I think I understand what you are going through, mainly because I ran your letter through the Norry-to-English filter in Google translate. I agree it’s a total turn off when someone is speaking down to you in a harsh manner (unless it’s ‘Sexy Sunday’ in our gaff and my Conor is head to toe in leather.) I asked my posh cousin if she could help you. She said she runs a conversion course for deserving Norries, where she will show you how to speak properly and cook something other than bodice. I said if you do that, no one in Mayfield will ever talk to Marie again. She said, ‘I know, lucky Marie.’
That’s like winning the Brains of Kilmallock. I hear that Litfest was a huge hit with members of the east Cork intelligentsia. Both of them turned out and they had their painting-by-numbers books with them and everything. The good news is the Norries will be busy most weekends, now that the Cork hurlers are back in business. The bad news is they could be busy down around Blackrock, if Cork gets to the Munster Final, because it will be in Páirc Uí Chaoimh. Still, it won’t involve Tipperary fans. So at least you won’t have to get up on Monday morning and wash your footpath with bleach.
A lie detector test won’t work in your case, because it relies on detecting small amounts of perspiration. And as we all know, there is no such thing as a Kerry man with only small amounts of perspiration. I was going out with a guy from Listowel once. He said he could be hard to get hold of, sometimes. I said you’re not kidding, I’d have better luck trying to grab an eel.
Kids are hilarious alright. My nephew asked me the other day if Jesus went to Christians. I said they wouldn’t let him in because his father was only a carpenter. I checked with the Campaign for a Posher Cork. Their advice is to take Luke down to Garryvoe and ask him, is this really your idea of a holiday? It works every time apparently.
I’m allergic, with two Ls. My brutally honest aunt is just back after a short trip to Iceland. She said the scenery is gorgeous, all the locals are related to each other and you can’t understand a word they are saying. I said that sounds just like Dingle. She said not really, because it’s a tenner for a pint in Iceland. I said you’d barely get a pint of razza for that in Dingle during the summer. She said, exactly.