Ask Audrey has been sorting out Cork people for years

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C’mere, somebody told me the other day that black pudding is some kind of superfood now. Obviously I’m going to stop eating it because I don’t want people to think I’m a hippy or from Dublin, like. What do you think I should eat instead to show that I’m totally from Cork? — ‘Dowcha’ Donie, Blackpool (the one on the northside, not the one in England, do you know what I mean?)

I hear that bodice is still popular with people who lost their taste buds in an all-night poker game. Here is my favourite recipe for bodice. 1: Boil on a low heat for four hours. 2: Get a fit of the gawks because the smell would remind you of that man from Dungarvan who sat beside you on the bus. 3: Eat it anyway while belting out ‘The Boys of Fairhill’, because Cork people can be slow to admit they are wrong. 4: Get another fit of the gawks.