Agony aunt Ask Audrey is solving all of Cork’s problems

Audrey has been sorting out Cork people for years...

I’m getting married next year and we are planning to tie the knot abroad. Obviously I want to go someplace where we won’t be holding the ceremony next to a bunch of norries or culchies. (Daddy is very high up in insurance.) Where would you recommend? – Rebecca, Monkstown.

Have you considered the moon? Sorry, but there is no avoiding your fellow Irish man or woman when you are abroad. My brother was on a trip deep in the Amazon last year, when a he met a fellow in a Monaghan jersey paddling a canoe. “How’re you goin’ on horse”, your man shouts at my brother, “you wouldn’t know the half-time score in the Ulster final?” My brother pretended to be from Belgium and rowed straight past him. The cheek of a Monaghan man stopping a Cork guy as if they had something in common.