Maintenance sex is emotional investment

Q. When I first met my husband, we were both always ‘up for it’. But now I feel that I engage in ‘maintenance’ sex to please him, rather than because I want it myself. 

Once we get going, I always get into it, but I worry about having mismatched libidos in the future. Surely, after five years together, we should both still be wanting it all the time?

A. Life would be easier for everyone (except divorce lawyers) if married men and women had synchronised sexual desire. But life isn’t easy. In any long-term relationship, sexual appetites are influenced by different factors: external stressors such as work, or money worries; internal issues, such as low mood, poor health, or hormonal fluctuations; or interpersonal problems, such as relational conflict, parenting challenges, or familial responsibilities.