Down with these sort of #popenings

Is Dad having the last laugh as the Pope bows out on the 15th anniversary of his death, wonders Don Morgan

POPE Benedict XVI kept his decision to himself and with good reason: The Vatican is an institution leakier than Gérard Depardieu on a short-haul flight. The media has gone into overdrive, Twitter’s gone into tailspin, and Benedict’s gone for a pint of Chianti. He’s outta here.

Following the Holy Father’s momentous statement and the subsequent press conference by Fr Vince Lombardy, I would at this point like to quell speculation and announce that I am ruling myself out of the running for the position of Supreme Pontiff and wearer of the 266th-hand Shoes of the Fisherman™. I’d be as likely to fly the union flag for 17 days of the year, to see if anyone notices. Kathryn Thomas will probably fill in until a long-term replacement can be found; however, the Catholic Church is not an equal oppor-tunities employer, so she’s likely to lose out on the permanent gig.