Sex File: How do I tell him I want more excitement in bed?

Excitement and pleasure are probably things that he really wants to provide for you; however, he is not a mindreader

You may find that you are being too cautious about upsetting him when, in fact, he would appreciate your frankness. Picture: iStock 

I've been with my partner for 10 years. We have always had good, straightforward sex but after talking openly to friends, I've realised how much more exciting things could be. How can I ask for our sex life to change in a way that feels positive?

Using words is your best bet, and since you have known him for ten years, I would imagine that you already know how to land a request in a way that will not upset him. Part of making any long-term relationship work is learning how not to press each other's buttons. Although there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to switch your sex life up a few gears, how you frame this request matters because if your partner interprets it as a criticism of the sex you have been having with each other for the past decade, he is likely to feel rejected. And rejection is not sexy.