Sex File: He's almost perfect but his rude sexts are a turn-off 

When sexting, many men find it easier to steal ideas from porn than to mine the depths of their own desires

His sexts are so cringey and the language he uses is sometimes a bit too rude. Picture: iStock 

I'm dating someone who is an almost perfect match for me. Our sex life is great, we get on and make each other laugh. We both like creating a flirty atmosphere through messages, pictures and little notes. The only thing is, his sexts are so cringey and the language he uses is sometimes a bit too rude. I'm definitely not against sexting — but his WhatsApps are a turn-off. What can I do?

Couples don't start off knowing how to talk to each other. Just as they have to feel their way with sex, new couples have to hear their way with language. In 1992, the relationship therapist Gary Chapman published his now famous book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. It outlined the five key ways couples communicate their love and the central thesis was that relationships work better when they speak each other's "love language". The oft-quoted love languages he lists are: acts of service, gift-giving, physical touch, quality time and words of affirmation. Whether you agree these are everyone's top five or not, Chapman was right about one thing — the way couples communicate with each other needs to be compatible. Otherwise, they will struggle to turn each other on.