Ask Audrey: Don't ask a guy in Douglas if he went to Pres — wait 10 seconds and he’ll tell you

Ask Audrey has been sorting Cork people out for ages.

Don’t ask your Kiskeam lover where she went to school herself. It will only ruin the romance when she says ‘a hedge.’

It’s getting nervous on our WhatsApp group, Douglas Road Stunners Who Are Dying to Find Out Where You Went To School.
Muireann_2Posh4ACockaPoo has moved to Dubai for a year to avoid paying income tax because you know the way the government are, they’d only pass the money on to the Norries. Anyway, a new couple has moved in and Fifi_WhiteRangeRover said she was watching them through her telescope last night and they’re obviously from the right stock because they have the most amazing skin. Beth_IndoorSwimmingPool said they’re obviously well chilled as well because they gave her a wave when she was flying her drone over their back garden on Monday. Lorna_NoJuniorSuite4Me said that’s all grand girls, but does anyone know where the couple went to school, because how the shite are we supposed to judge our new neighbours if we don’t know their background. We banned Lorna for six weeks because the word ‘shite’ is a bit South Douglas Road but she’s right Audrey – how the heck are we going to figure out where they went to school?
— Jenni, Douglas Road.

I always say that there is no need to ask a guy around Douglas if he went to Pres — just wait 10 seconds and he’ll tell you. But the problem now is you get people all around the world moving to Cork because they liked The Young Offenders. I asked my new Italian neighbour where he went to school. He said, Lecce. I said, I’m sure you are, but where did you go to school?