Sex File: How can we reboot our sex life? 

"Although your shared history means that aspects of this relationship must feel comfortable, it is important to recognise that the apprehension you both feel is normal."

Picture: iStock 

My boyfriend and I were together for 10 years from age 16. We then broke up because we wanted to try life apart for a while. After a year - we both had a few brief flings with other people - we got back together. Since then we're both nervous around each other, and sex hasn't been exciting. I feel like we need to start again from scratch but don't know how.

I think you are right. You do need to start from scratch, and you need to do it together. At the moment it sounds as if you have both climbed back into the car, but you are cruising in neutral because you haven't decided what direction to go in. It takes time to work out how to be different in a relationship that feels very familiar - and it's not easy. It would have been easy to fall back into old habits, and I applaud your desire to change things.