No more walking dates: The dos and don'ts of dating after lockdown

With restrictions easing, singletons can finally get offline and embrace real-life romance. They have a lot of catching up to do, say dating experts 

Dating experts: Frances Kelleher and Mairead Loughman

The summer of love is finally here — but forget lukewarm coffee dates and mile-apart picnics.

Dating apps, walking dates, and even hazmat suits are just some of the ways singles continued to mingle over the past 15 months.

With first-date favourites such as restaurants and cinemas reopened at last, now it’s time to get offline — and ‘crack on’ like the latest batch of singletons headed to Love Island, which returns to small screens on Monday night.”

“It’s great to be able to send people out on real dates again,” says Mairead Loughman of LoveHQ.ie, a nationwide dating agency.

“We had more than 100 people out on dates last weekend and we’ve over 100 out next weekend as well.

“We had done a good few coffee and walking dates, but it’s not the same.

“It’s very difficult to build a connection when the two of you are sitting side by side looking out at a lake and not making eye contact.

“Dating during lockdown had huge obstacles, so now that people are able to get out and about it’s fantastic.

“I’m after seeing a huge spike in the number of clients from their mid-20s coming to me — usually, they would have been at least 30.

“Young people especially are absolutely delighted to be getting back out there again.”

Making connections

Figures unsurprisingly show how — with few other opportunities to meet — online dating soared during lockdown.

But with many summer flirting hotspots from music festivals to big white weddings still on hold due to the continued threat of coronavirus, there is no sign of singles swiping left on Tinder any time soon.

A record-breaking first quarter saw the dating giant report a 15% increase in the daily swipe average of users ahead of 2021’s unofficial ‘hot vaxxed summer’.

“Ninety-nine percent of people, men and women, tell me they would rather meet in person so I strongly advise doing your best to meet people in real life,” says Kerry-based dating coach Frances Kelleher (franceskellehercoaching.com).

Frances Kelleher: "If a guy reads the signs right and listens, he will know if he should go in for a kiss or not at the end of the night — but if he can’t read the signs he should just ask.” Picture: Don MacMonagle

“Having said that, one in three people meet online and if you are in a rural area with a low population online is a great resource.

“The first lockdown was very busy,” she continues. “People were going online that were never online before so the pool was bigger to pull from.

“Everyone was looking to connect. The main downside was that people tended not to elevate the connection from texting to calling or video calling each other, so it just ran its course.

“As real-life dating begins again, people are naturally a bit nervous. What I have seen is that women are more cautious than men [when it comes to Covid].

“If a guy reads the signs right and listens, he will know if he should go in for a kiss or not at the end of the night — but if he can’t read the signs he should just ask.”

On the double

The return of old-fashioned courtship in the age of the hook-up has been counted among the few positives from the pandemic.

After more than a year of virtual sex or celibacy though, and with 30-39-year-olds next in line to be vaccinated, it’s a phase that may not last very long.

As well as offering full STI screening (from €49), Irish healthcare company LetsGetChecked also offers Covid testing (from €99), with many post-pandemic singles now opting for both in a bid to safeguard their health.

“There are certainly lots of people testing at the moment in preparation for getting back out on the dating scene,” says Dr Susan O’Sullivan, director of clinical experience at LGC (letsgetchecked.com). “People want convenience, and when they see that we also do STI tests, they often opt to get tested for both types of infection at the same time.

“We have also seen a steady stream of people opting for at-home STI screening throughout the pandemic, with lots of infections detected and treated, chlamydia being one of the most common.

“Although Covid-19 numbers are thankfully going in the right direction in Ireland, the virus is still out there, and it’s important to be aware of the infection risk,” she says.

“Knowing that both partners are Covid-19 negative is certainly a plus, and it means that they were negative at the time the sample was taken.

“One of the best things people can do to reduce the risk of Covid-19 is get vaccinated at the first opportunity, and keep in step with government guidelines as they are updated.

“Be open with any contacts you have, if you develop symptoms — isolate, get tested and let your contacts know — and ask them to do the same for you.”

Vaccine bonus

US-based dating agency OKCupid is giving safety-conscious daters the chance to flaunt their vax appeal by displaying an ‘I’m Vaccinated’ badge on their profile.

“People are very much advertising if they’ve gotten a vaccine at this stage,” says Mairead Loughman, who also hosts Would Like To Meet, a podcast to encourage dating confidence.

“It’s a huge added bonus. Anybody that’s over the age group that could get it, or working as an essential worker, is really plugging the fact that ‘I have the vaccine — I’m free to go wherever I need to go’.”

Matchmaker, Mairead Loughman: "I would like to think that even after all this length of time that human nature will always win out over anything."

Reduced social distancing of one metre and ongoing mask-wearing is unlikely to deter the rest, she says: “I found the whole way throughout the pandemic, if people’s chemistry was there it was not really a consideration if I’m honest.”

They may have decided not to get physical on the first date, but on the second date ask where they’d been and who’d they seen “before taking things further”, says Loughman.

“People still need to be responsible, so they should wear their mask and follow regulations and be as safe as possible, but a lot of people have been living alone and working alone for the last year and a half [so] their contacts are probably limited, although at the moment they are gradually increasing.

“I would like to think that even after all this length of time that human nature will always win out over anything.”

Online flirting

Kerry singleton, Ed McSweeney, may have come up with a happy compromise after launching ZoomDate.ie to allow singles to flirt face to face before deciding whether to take it offline.

The 34-year-old came up with the idea after being involved with a virtual speed dating fundraiser run by Killarney Macra Na Feirme during lockdown.

“People are just a bit fussier at the moment,” reckons Ed, who has a digital marketing company. “They just want to be more certain about going for a date.

“I’m on a few of the dating apps and they’re OK.

“It’s very hard to gauge what a person is actually like without talking to them, whether it’s on the phone or in person.

“People have bad experiences as well so they probably don’t want to give out their number.

“I think the whole stranger thing has probably become more of a bigger thing,” he adds of the post-Covid dating scene.

“I don’t think you can really [approach someone while out] — it’s just awkward.

“It’s about breaking the ice as well. Say if I knew you, then I probably could approach you wherever I met you, but if it’s a case that you didn’t know someone, I think you’re just more cautious, even more than before.

“The whole ZoomDate idea was to just maybe initiate that point of contact.”

It’s a numbers game

Kim Kardashian, Katie Holmes, and Liam Payne are just a few of the stars back on the market this summer.

Just don’t try wooing them with a walking date, warns Mairead Loughman.

“Dinner dates, drinks, coffees, anything that is a more traditional type of date,” she suggests instead. “People say you have to meet in person, but the most essential thing is building a connection, so you can’t just go for a walk.

“Likewise, I would never send anyone to the cinema on a first date. Bowling’s probably the worst, because it’s their turn, your turn, so there’s no way of building a connection.

“Some people are maybe a little bit out of practice, after not dating the last year and a half, they might want to start with something easy to ease them in.

“Eye contact is huge, so whatever people feel comfortable with, it should be face to face.”

One-metre is nothing in pursuit of the One this summer, adds dating coach Frances Kelleher.

“Ultimately, I would advise doing everything you are open for,” she says. “Be it joining a dating agency, going speed dating, being online and playing the field offline.

“Love is a numbers game so meet as many people as many ways as you safely can.”

Some singletons are 'flaunting their vax appeal' by displaying an 'I'm vaccinated' badge on their online profile

Vax appeal - top tips for dating post-lockdown

Perfect your 'smize' on a traditional first date such as dinner or coffee rather than yet another walking date, where there's little chance to make eye contact.

Make the most of the pandemic dating app boom by swiping right all night — just remember to take it offline as soon as possible to find out if they're a potential partner or pen pal.

With some dating apps now offering an 'I'm vaccinated' badge, don't be shy about flaunting your 'vax appeal' — or asking your date where they stand on the jab.

Practice an 'abundance of caution' by going for a Covid test, as well as the usual STI test, before taking things beyond an elbow bump with a new partner.

If the thought of going on a real date still gives you major FOMU (Fear of Meeting Up), dip a toe back in by signing up for a virtual speed dating event first.