Ask Audrey: Don't go to Greenland, stay here and spend all your money instead

Sorting out Cork people for ages

C’mere, what’s the story with trying to explain the green list to me mam? She rang me Wednesday morning in a panic and said: "Micheál Martin said we all have to go to Greenland." I said: "Mam, don’t be listening to that gomey; he’s only from the southside." She said: "No, Dowcha Donie, I was listening to Neil Prendeville there, and I’m sure I heard him saying, 'The government advice is clear: We all have to go to Greenland'." 

My head do be fried from this green-list thing. I spent half of Thursday trying to convince my old doll that Slovakia is a country, rather than a refreshing lager. So, I know this is a fluid situation now, but can you get someone to ring me mam and tell her what’s going on, because I do be totally losing the will, with all the comings and goings? Dowcha Donie, Blackpool.