Richard Hogan: Why I gave a store manager a dressing-down

Modern life can throw up frustrations, but the solution is never to be rude and ill-mannered

'We will all be inconvenienced, from time to time. Maybe surrender to it.' File picture: iStock

I was standing in a queue recently, the girl serving behind the counter couldn’t have been more than 17. Obviously working a summer job to get some money. Admirable.

She wasn’t moving through the costumers with ease. It was clear she was struggling with the change and the cash register.

I was with my youngest daughter, so we started to play a little game. Working in the Philippines, I am used to being inconvenienced and having to wait a long time for things to move.

The guy in front of me grew more irate as the seconds ticked on. He was turning around, looking for some help, cursing under his breath, until eventually he said out loud: “Hurry up, people have lives to live.”

He looked around proudly for validation. I told him that we will get there and that he is shouting at a teenager. He wasn’t best pleased. Then he went off looking for a manager. One arrived. 

The girl was flustered and said: “I’m sorry, this woman wants an exchange but I don’t know how to do that.” The manager stuck his magic key into the till and, abracadabra, all was sorted. The manager, scolded her and said: “It’s not that hard, now hurry up.”

People in the queue were thrilled we were moving again. When I got up to her, I explained that I worked many summer jobs, and that just because you meet a few arseholes doesn’t mean everyone is an arsehole.

She was smiling. I told her I thought she managed it all very well. She thanked me, and off we went. I told my daughter, who was holding my hand: “Never take crap from arseholes.”

She smiled at me, and then I saw the manager fooling around with a mannequin and I went over to him. 

I told him that speaking down to a teenager working a summer job like that illuminated his lack of skills, not her incompetence. He stood there, jaw open.

As we were stepping into the street, my daughter said: “Are you a Karen, dad?” I didn’t know the answer to that question. We both laughed all the way home. Maybe I am a Karen.

What has happened to us, that we cannot suffer being inconvenienced? Not even the slightest bit.

You see it in nearly every aspect of your day; the car isn’t pulling out of the space quickly enough for your liking, honk the horn at them. The bank teller is talking too much with the customer in front of you, raise your eyebrows in disapproval.

The bin men left your bin slightly in the road, outrageous indignation. “Now, where are the bloody napkins, why aren’t they in full view?” Moral outrage.

We have become a society of chronic convenience, and any deviation from that will provoke scorn. But is it really about being inconvenienced?

In my experience, there is something deeper going on when you react so strongly to some everyday encounter. The idea that we should never be inconvenienced is ridiculous. 

There is an incredible amount of self-righteousness involved in feeling that way. ‘How dare you hold up my day’. Where has that come from?

It wasn’t long ago that we didn’t have running hot water, or a constant food supply for that matter. So, this idea we must never be inconvenienced is modern enough. Our ancestors certainly didn’t struggle with it.

Whenever I see someone react like that, I see the hurt little child within. Most of us had messy childhoods. Those frustrations we felt, those insecurities we experienced, that sense of not being seen, I think they are all right there with us when we overreact in traffic or chide some teenager about the size of the ice-cream they gave us.

It is something deep within that we are reacting too. It is never really about the thing that is annoying us, but rather the invisible force we can’t see that is really tormenting us in that moment.

And if we took a moment to reflect on what that is, we might be able to come to some better understanding of ourselves so that when we are in a queue in polite society, we don’t act like an arsehole.

Modern life is frustrating. All that inanimate interaction, ‘place the basket in the bagging area’. But when we overreact and become aggressive to what is happening in front of us, maybe it’s time to figure out what is really bothering us.

Maybe that frustration is something knocking at us, asking us to take a look at how our life is going. Maybe if we took the time to figure that out, we wouldn’t be so irate at silly, everyday things.

We will all be inconvenienced, from time to time. Maybe surrender to it, and taking control of the fact we don’t always have control would be a great starting point to manage our busy lives.

But, most of all, don’t be an arsehole.