Oliver Moore: A child’s open letter to Santa
I know. It’s been a while. I stopped writing to you as I thought I was a bit old. Well, with the year we’ve just had, I’ll try anything!
I suppose you already know it’s all gone bananas-in-pajamas Santy? I don’t know if there will be any ice left up there in the north pole, with those climate records being broken. And now, with a climate flippant flippin’ President coming in the US, what’s next?
Well, it’s fairly clear what’s next — climate catastrophe that’s what santy. I know. He’s brought in a guy suing the US EPA to be the head of the US EPA. And a guy from EXXON as Secretary of State — you know EXXON?
They who knew about Climate change in 1981 but didn’t tell anyone? They kept pretending it wasn’t real, funding skeptics, investing in Oil, and used their climate data to find where melting ice would make it easier to drill for oil? Those guys? I mean, come on!
Sometimes I just wonder- what are the adults at Mr Claus? They are supposed to be the clever ones, but it’s just not the case is it? I just shake my little head and say — what the flip?
Like the CAP — the Common Agricultural Policy (Not the red and white CAPs you wear, the Common Agriculture Policy for the EU silly!).
It pays farmers hundreds of euros per hectare in Poland and Italy to grow tobacco. You know that silly plant some adults can’t stop smoking, the one that makes them very sick? Mad, isn’t it? Me brother says there is no policy coherence at all.
But it’s all Mad Santy! Take fish — take loads of them actually. Everyone else is! Here’s something I saw on twitter last week : “Scientists had advised a 22% cut for haddock, but instead ministers increased the quota by 25%”. (I know I’m a bit young to be using Twitter, but me Ma — sorry me mudder — keeps an eye on which accounts I do be using).
There’s hardly any fish left so they are taking even more. I don’t’ know what they do be doing Santy!
There is loads more poo and wee- poo and wee santy! - in the water now so there is. They say it’s because the diary quota ended. I saw a map so I did. All the places with more cows have more poo and wee now.
Ireland doesn’t even bother to have a climate change action plan anymore — sure why bother? But we still sells our food abroad as the cleanest food ever.
You know what we call our powdered milk in China? You know China, the place where most of the babies are lactose intolerant? They call it green love. Green Love!
Still, I suppose E10,000 a tonne for white powder is a good price by anyone’s standards isn’t it? Pablo would have been proud. (I don’t know what that last line means Santy, but me big brother laughs every time I say it, so I suppose I’ll keep saying it).
Even Phil Hogan — you remember him?— he is fighting to get the pesticides out of the EFAs –the Ecological Focus Areas in the CAP. You know what — Ireland is fighting the Ag Commissioner to keep the pesticides IN EFAs. Again!
We’re going to keep on producing more meat and milk no matter what. We’ll just miss our climate change targets, and keep selling our stuff as green.
We even just sent 2000 bulls to Libya — you know Libya? It’s that place with no government at all. None. I can only imagine what happened when those bulls landed in a country with no regulations whatsoever. I’d say it was fairly rough.
So all I want is the Earth Santy. I know it sounds like a lot, but I only want one. Sure isn’t it all we have?
