THOSE of you whose teeth grind painfully on seeing the words “one-man club” should look away now.

OOKAY, now it’s our best Premier League start. Of course that’s only making me worry all the more.

RATIONALISATION, how could football live without it?

NOW can our title claims be taken seriously? … Kelly, shut your big fat gob.

EVERYONE was on their best behaviour in Madrid thank goodness. UEFA were unavailable for comment.

SO TO recap from last week: UEFA don’t have an agenda against Liverpool, Agger is class on the ball, internal politics are being kept quiet and Rafa is a lucky general.

In the afterglow of a thrilling comeback at City, swigging beer between lectures, you might think even I could not be troubled by dark clouds on the horizon.

WELL, we’re in it now.

WEST HAM were finally nailed over Tevez, ending two years of outrageous buck-passing and selective eyesight.

AS distractions go, a rare win over United was a blessing to some and a curse to others.