At a time when people are more disconnected, seeking parasocial enlightenment has never seemed more attractive

"...trivial misunderstandings, bucolic landscapes, interior shots that are lit like a Nurofen ad, and a romantic triangle in which two different flavours of non-threatening male love interest are pursued by a woman who can’t stop falling over..."

Digesting royal drama is very similar to recapping Eastenders, or Game of Thrones

Even by the standards of the 'Crap Wonderland', Glasgow's Willy Wonka Experience was an absolute Category 5 disaster.

It was heartening to have so many steadfast, committed and dogged journalists in that field raising questions about my case.

When I began writing this piece, I realised I hadn’t had a spam call in a while, and promptly received one five minutes before I sat down to write this very sentence. 

"Any hopes I had about Northern Irish politics being reliably normal died around that time, even if blips of competence and — whisper it — progress appeared on the radar here and there."

By the time Hillary Actual Clinton had released her own, the lamentations over Barbie – a film nominated for both Best Picture and Best Adapted Screenplay, which has thus far earned more money than the GDP of the Seychelles – had reached dazzling levels of snubmania

I can’t speak for how any of this will work for anyone else, but it’s working for me even if I sometimes wish it weren’t

The horror continues, and the fact that it crowds out our timelines is deplorable. But we cannot and should not look away.