Before giving your baby what they want, you must first decipher what they are saying

Such is the ongoing battle in relation to family food that the only real winner in our home is the compost bin.

Such is my level of baby-brain that I should not be operating heavy machinery, which is my justification for not staying on top of the hoovering

“I really think you’re in labour,” Fred says, but I dismiss him quickly, because if Dr Quinn Medicine Woman taught me anything it is that men have contributed absolutely nothing to the canon of medical knowledge.

"It all sounds a bit too much like effort when you could just switch on the movie Super Mario Bros and be done with it..."

"I worry that school is not a place where everyone will shine or be happy. As such, I can’t help but bite my lip a little as I watch him take off with his new Spiderman bag"

I want you to know that I am a good mammy. I might not be the best prepared, dressed, or presented, but I will love you so much that your first words will probably be something along the lines of “Mammy, I need personal space, please”

People are taking guesses as to what we are having based on the shape of my bump

"I’m not sure where I thought I was going, but underwear-wise, I was either feeling highly optimistic about what I would be getting up to in hospital or in complete denial as to how in bits I would be after the birth."

"Throwing himself to the ground, Ted cries out, leaving me feeling like I'm officially the worst mother in the world because I have meandered over to the playground minus snacks."