'Watching the news of lockdown easing, I’m delighted to see all the delight of others but also part of me is a Pullet on Day 1 in the Hen House'

At the risk of triggering pedants, staycations will be big again this year

"Is it any wonder we’re the generation best equipped for the pandemic? The coping classes reared on a diet of Extra Programmes featuring dystopian visions of the future and psychedelically imagined German Electronica, followed by compulsory prayers?"

In early childhood there are the various milky things, then childy foods, then nibbles of adults’ food. But then you start to notice their impact on the groceries

"The eighties seem to have been a golden age for jingles. Long before fast fashion, Penneys had a whole lot of things for Christmas."

From selling recordings of farts to Whatsapp messages and Youtube clips, having digital proof that you own a digital thing is the latest way to make money

I’m chilling out about mispronunciation.

I never really understood the power of escapism before now. Sometimes you just need to get away

"It makes you scour the big circle to see what is surprisingly closer than you thought. It makes you put out a message to Whatsapp inquiring if there is any other bloody thing to do in this 78.54 square kilometres at all."

The advertising industry needs to keep up, to realise slippers are sexy.