More groans than crackers in the Christmas joke poll by UKTV’s comedy channel Gold

Ed Miliband may have lost the UK general election, but he has come top of a poll of festive funnies this year.

The former Labour leader’s political defeat, Jeremy Clarkson’s infamous punch-up, and the Volkswagen emissions scandal all made the list after a search for the best modern Christmas cracker jokes.

In a bid to keep the gags short and snappy, entrants who fancied themselves as comedians submitted their offerings on Twitter and 2,000 British adults voted for their favourites.

The competition, by UKTV’s comedy channel Gold, which has been renamed Christmas Gold for the month of December, was prompted two years ago after research suggested many people considered Christmas cracker jokes to be outdated.

The top 10 funniest jokes for 2015:

1. Why does Ed Miliband like advent calendars? He gets to open the door to number 10.

2. I told my Granddad to go to Amazon for his Christmas shopping. He phoned me two days later from Brazil.

3. Why were Jeremy Clarkson’s colleagues excited to try his mulled wine? Because they’d been floored by his punch.

4. How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey? On the dark side.

5. Why did Santa pour Lemsip into the chimney? He was coming down with the flue.

6. Why don’t Volkswagen hold Christmas Services? They get the readings wrong.

7. Why is there no Champagne at the Chelsea Christmas party? Because Mourinho got rid of the Fizzy-o.

8. Why was the turkey at the Talk Talk Christmas party such a mess? It was hacked.

9. Who’s Rudolph’s favourite pop star? Beyon-sleigh.

10. What do Wikileaks staff have with their Christmas turkey? An anonymous sauce.