Hospital wards filled with Father Jacks and Hasselhoffs

IT could be boredom or maybe they have been watching too much television, but health professionals have begun to adopt a new phrase to describe a certain type of awkward patient — a “Father Jack”.

The foul-mouthed, drunken priest from Father Ted — who would sit in the corner shouting “drink!” “feck!” “arse!” — has proved an inspiration in the wards, according to the British Medical Journal.

Writing in the magazine, consultant Paul Keely, who works in the Department of Palliative Medicine at Glasgow Royal Infirmary, says doctors use the term “Father Jack” to describe “the confused, usually elderly patient whose constant high-pitched” outbursts and “attempts to get out of bed are responsible for insomnia on the wards”.

Patients who present at accident and emergency departments with bizarre explanations for an injury are known as “Hasselhoffs”, after the former Baywatch actor David Hasselhoff, who suffered a freak injury when he hit his head on a chandelier while shaving, severing tendons and an artery in his right arm.

It’s all part of the lexicon of 21st century medics.

“Just as doctors need to familiarise themselves with new words arising from new concepts and technologies, they need to keep up with changing usages and slang,” says Dr Keely, who has compiled a list of the latest phrases used by those in the profession.

Another new term among medical staff describes a “Jack Bauer”, a doctor who is still working after a 24-hour shift. Others include a “Fonzie”, a seemingly unflappable middle-grade doctor based on the character “Fonzie” Fonzarelli from American sitcom Happy Days.

Few of these terms will be of much interest to patients — except, perhaps “agnostication”. It refers to the usually futile attempt by a doctor to answer the question: “How long have I got, doc?”