No pity for Fools fed fibs on penguins and presidents

MEDIA around the world regaled their audiences with stories of stretched French presidents and bisexual James Bonds yesterday, proving the tradition of April Fool’s jokes was alive and kicking.

Britain’s Daily Telegraph printed pictures of penguins apparently flying to the Amazon, while many papers ran a spoof story saying luxury carmaker BMW had invented a model that electrocuted dogs which tried to relieve themselves against its wheels.

Australian radio station 2UE marked April 1 by reporting that the Pope would conduct a special mass for homosexuals during July visit Down Under.

The British press combined jokes with a little French-bashing, light-heartedly ignoring pleas for closer cross-Channel co-operation from President Nicolas Sarkozy during his state visit last week.

The president’s diminutive stature was the butt of an April Fool in the Sun tabloid. Under the headline “Docs to Stretch Sarkozy”, it said the president, who wore built-up heels, in contrast to his ex-model wife Carla’s flat shoes, in London, “is to have pioneering stretch surgery in a bid to make him taller”.

“The patient is stretched on a traction bed for several hours and calcium supplements are injected in the bone shafts near the joints,” it quoted French government spokesman “Luc Bigger” as saying. The paper even provided photos and a “How it Works” graphic showing a man on a torture-style bed.

Playing on France’s reputation for sophistication, the Guardian reported that Prime Minister Gordon Brown had enlisted Carla Bruni-Sarkozy to give Britons lessons on style.

“Continental good taste and sophistication should be a birthright for all, says PM”, headlined the left-leaning daily, getting in a satirical dig at Brown’s regular promises of greater rights for everyone.

There were also plans to encourage British parents “to serve small volumes of red wine with meals to children as young as seven or eight”, it said, in a piece by Avril de Poisson, a play on the French for April Fool.

The Daily Star claimed rugged James Bond star Daniel Craig wanted 007 to “swing both ways“, while the Daily Express said London’s Big Ben was set to use a digital clock while its traditional timepiece was being repaired.

The Telegraph, meanwhile, said Adele penguins had amazed documentary makers “by taking to the air and flying to warmer climes when the weather closed in”.