Colin Sheridan: How would Ireland's World Cup have gone?

DREAMS: Republic of Ireland manager Stephen Kenny.

Here’s a thought experiment: Imagine Ireland had actually qualified for this World Cup? (Imagine being actually able to remember Ireland’s qualifying campaign for this World Cup?). How would it have gone? Unlubricated by the gargle which has elevated us to deity status at every other tournament we’ve ever travelled to, would our fans - sober - win hearts and minds as they always have? Or would the dastardly Japanese wipe our eyes with their fastidious post-game Marie Kondo-ing of the stadiums? Or the beautiful Argentinians with their fanatical singing? 

How would we have done on the field? Would we have won a game, or even a point, or would we leave convincing ourselves we are in good nick for the next Nations League campaign? Well, wonder no more. Here’s a limited sample size, group A-D hypothesis as to how we, the Republic of Ireland soccer team, would have fared in the Middle east.