Five tips on ignoring Transfer Deadline day
By Rob McNamara
Let's admit it.
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Somehow, in the last few years, broadcast media outlets have managed to fill a whole day of television with talking heads speculating about the ins and outs of football clubs.
Will the Brazilian right-back nobody has ever heard of get a work permit to play for a mid-table team whose season is already all-but finished?
Can Harry Redknapp re-sign every player he's ever managed before 11pm?
Is the "incredible" tea lady swap deal between Accrington Stanley and Maidstone United still on?
There are only two certainties: the underwhelming feeling and pang of regret football fans get when they realise they've wasted a day of their lives.
So, as a public service, we've decided to give you five football related alternatives to get you through to 11pm without hearing any pointless chatter about who's going where.
Don't sit around and wait for the deals to happen....MAKE THEM HAPPEN!
Take over an obscure non-league side and lead them to the Champions League within five years of fun-filled, emotion packed simulation time.
You know it's far more interesting then watching a man in a North Face jacket talk into a mic outside Loftus Road.
Remember when football was a man's game? When players wore short shorts, when the pitches weren't as manicured and boots came in only one colour - black!
Those were the days. It was all about the football and the first million pound player transfer was met with utter disgust by most in the game.
There was only one match televised each week and the 24 hour sports coverage we have today would have been viewed as a futuristic folly. Youtube is a treasure trove of nostalgic football brilliance.
Enjoy!
Was it too late for you to stay up last night? This is another reason to avoid the internet and all other media noise.
All around country there are literally thousands of people who are avoiding conversations with their work colleagues, turning off TV sets and radios and refusing to even hit a browser button until they get home to watch the Superbowl.
As soon as you've read this article (and all our other great Exam Viral content!) get yourself offline, turn off the router and locate that Sky remote.
We're not going to ruin if for you.
Roy Race never needed deadline day drama.
In his lengthy career - with his one and only club Melchester Rovers - Roy was shot by an enemy, faced several marriage crises, hung out with '80s pop stars and managed England at the Word Cup.
Transfer deadline day? Whatever.
There's talk of a new Mike Bassett film and that would be very welcome indeed, but it would have to go a long way to be as good as the first one and television series that followed.
The perfect remedy to the dead duck that is deadline day.
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