‘Enemy of Football’ a target for snipers

Good grief - what’s that awful smell? Did the wife leave the remnants of Friday’s fish out? Is it the smell of Brexit turning rancid? No, don’t panic; it’s just the rotting corpse of Saturday’s snore-draw at Anfield.

Bus-parkingg? We’ve not seen owt like it since FC Sparta drove a Number 300 in front of Xerxes United.

I think we can all agree that this body needs burying quickly, rather than enjoying a long drawn-out autopsy.