Crazy exchanges in the Eurozone

JUST in case we thought that things couldn’t get any worse, along comes Arsene Wenger to assure us that, no, really, they could.

And, what’s more, they will. And the worst of it, unless you’re a Gooner, is that he wasn’t even talking about Arsenal.

The Frenchman had his Really Serious Head on this week when he decided to run the rule over Europe’s economic woes. (Presumably on the age-old philosophical basis that nothing takes your mind off your own problems quite like thinking about someone else’s). And, boy, did Arsene not like what he saw.

“I am convinced that Europe will go into a huge financial crisis within the next three weeks, or three months, and maybe that will put everything into perspective again,” he said.

Well, Arsene knows, doesn’t he? So, needless to say, I was on the point of transferring all my assets to the Cayman Islands when the man on Sky Sports said something interesting, something which was clearly intended to bolster the Frenchman’s credentials and make us all quake even more in our boots. “And Arsene Wenger, of course, has a degree in economics,” he said.

Well, what a relief, eh? I immediately ordered the family back up out of the bunker and, David Drumm-style, announced that we were going to have a party to celebrate the return of the good times.

Because if there’s one thing I know about economics — and, as it happens, there is indeed only one thing I know about economics — it’s that the economists appear to know precisely as much about the subject as I do.

And if a little knowledge really is a bad thing, then the last thing we should be doing is paying any attention whatsoever to a man who once passed an exam in the subject, especially a man whose espousal of financial prudence hasn’t exactly seen his own business thrive in recent years.

Anyway, if Wenger is going to worry about a Eurozone, he’d be better off confining his brooding to the green one bordered by white lines, a place which continues to be a less than happy hunting ground for himself and his peers.

English, Scottish and Irish football was back in that Eurozone this week but, Chelsea apart, hardly in the zone. In light of their regression, Arsene’s boys probably did as well as could be expected in holding the upwardly mobile Borussia Dortmund to a draw, whereas Benfica and Napoli both provided rude wake-up calls for the Manchesters United and City, an early reminder that stirrings of invincibility can be firmly stamped down once exposed to life beyond the relative comfort zone of the Premier League.

Still, if it’s any consolation to the contenders from Blighty, even Barcelona stumbled at the first hurdle this time out, drawing 2-2 at home to AC Milan. Though, you know how it is, that’ll probably only make the Catalans mad as hell, good news for neutrals and bad news for everyone else.

As for Irish interest in Europe, well, we’re still getting used to the fact that there actually is Irish interest in Europe at a time when the leaves are beginning to fall.

Of course, football being football and football fans being football fans, the joy unconfined at Shamrock Rovers’ achievement in reaching the group stages of the Europa League quickly gave way in certain quarters to something more like gloom and doom out in Tallaght on Thursday night.

How fickle we are. In the pre-match press conference, Hoops boss Michael O’ Neill had been asked if he thought Rovers could advance beyond the group stage. 24 hours and one defeat later, his opposite number, Kerban Berdyev of Rubin Kazan, was being asked if Rovers had any hope of picking up any points at all (For the record, Berdyev, the owner of a head so serious he makes Wenger look like Coco the Clown, solemnly replied that, yes, Rovers would pick up points, three to be exact).

That this was one of the more optimistic noises coming out of Tallaght Stadium late on Thursday reflected rather harshly, I thought, on the Irish champions. Rovers might have shipped three on the night yet scorelines can be deceptive, as you might remember from the last time an Irish team faced Russian opposition. Unlike Trap’s men in Moscow, Rovers weren’t battered from first whistle to last by Kazan. Indeed, they didn’t even remotely look like folding after the shock of conceding an early goal. The real damage was done when they conceded the second just minutes after the restart. Had Rovers held out for, say, another 20 or 30 minutes in the second half, I fancy they might even have nicked something from the game to judge by the less than assured defending of the Russian side any time the Hoops put ‘em under a bit of pressure.

In any event, while disappointing, 3-0 was hardly an embarrassing outcome in light of the gulf in quality and resources before kick-off. And while it could have been worse, it could have been a lot better for Rovers had they brought to bear some of the defensive tenacity which got the national side out of jail in Moscow a week earlier.

Without wishing to cramp their style, a bit more of Trap’s attention to “leetle details” and Rovers can still be more than whipping boys of Group A.

Austere football for a time of austerity? Now even Arsene Wenger might want to buy into that.