I’m a footballer, get me out of here

ET tu Bruton,” as Don Fabio might have said to JT.

Yes, Eng-er-land seem to have taken lessons from the Irish political scene, to judge by John Terry’s ham-fisted attempt at a palace coup. In fact, the team’s erstwhile Minister for Defence wasn’t even as comparatively well-prepared as not-so-Tricky Dicky since he forgot to bring key members of his own front bench with him. Having been stripped of the captaincy by the man he sought to challenge, Terry has now stripped himself of whatever remained of his credibility as a leader.

But the Fine Gael comparisons don’t end there. Fabio Capello might have won the battle but, like Enda Kenny, he has hardly boosted his share of the popular vote by presiding over a period of unprecedented turbulence in the camp, even by England’s heady standards in the field of big tournament self-destruction. Yes, that nice Frankie Lampard has come out and expressed confidence in the boss and, yes, the Italian nominally remains at the helm – but that will all come to a shuddering halt if, against Slovenia, England can’t suddenly put right the myriad wrongs of the past week. As they say, this is now the only poll that counts.