A game of two halves has analysts in a spin

GILSEY, Eamo, Ronnie and even Billo himself wore the disconsolate looks of men who had been asked to manage — not merely analyse — that team.

The first thing the boys would do with that team is not to have that team in the first place.

It wasn’t exasperation. More like dismissiveness, a sort of ‘how do you expect us to do anything at all with that decrepit outfit.’

Billo, taking his cue from those around him, could barely conceal his contempt for Trapp’s selection. There were mutterings of an ‘embargo’ on mentioning you-know-who’s (Eamon Dunphy mentioned him anyway).

“How,” wondered Billo, “would you play the world champions with that” — and you know yourself how he formed the ‘that’ sound.

“I wouldn’t have Andy Keogh in the Irish team, it’s ridiculous,” proclaimed Dunphy, “I wouldn’t have Paul McShane in the Irish team.”

He added: “We have got two very modest midfielders … I wouldn’t play 4-4-2…this manager has got to demonstrate that he knows how to get the best out of this team tonight.”

The silk purse out of sow’s ear theme was dominant beforehand alright. Ronnie Whelan wanted to drop Robbie Keane back a bit, and right a bit, “to help Keogh defensively and McShane, especially early on.”

Giles talked over a clip from the Bulgarian clash which showed Kevin Doyle gloriously isolated on the left wing for, oh, what felt like 10 minutes. The little green circles on the screen revealed Irish players making no effort to present themselves to help the Wexford man.

No-one wanted the ball, argued Giles.

“Are you suggesting they are playing to instructions,” asked Billo, raising a worrying thought.

And, then, pointing up an even more troubling state of affairs: “Or they just haven’t a clue?”

Giles managed some diplomacy: “I think Trappatoni puts doubts in the midfielders’ minds about getting on the ball.” Dunphy said the manager — the one he wanted all along and whose appointment he greeted with effusive words of commendation — has been “obsessively negative” throughout his career.

Ronnie was adamant the defence was “very dicey.” Giles revealed a new truth of the beautiful game: “You’re only as good in football as the player you pass it to”, which must have Ireland, with their preponderance of players who are neither givers or receivers of passes, a sorry lot indeed.

Dunphy eulogised the Irish squad of the early Jack Charlton era as being the best in the world at the time, before downgrading it to a mere best-of-Europe status. Last night, he felt a “basic sadness” that Trappatoni hadn’t the best Irish players on the field.

Giles “couldn’t see them suddenly being liberated to express themselves, and the only straws to cling onto were Dunphy’s observation about the “long history of the Italians bombing out at home.”

By half-time, tunes had changed. “It’s amazing what mindset does in any sport,” said Giles, almost gushing, and spoke repeatedly about liberation like a man who had just been, well, liberated himself. Consensus: something to be got here, team playing well, the midfielder plodders showing previously unsuspected creative sides.

And when the late goal came there must surely have been a riotous celebration. Or even a ‘sweaty’ one, as Billo suggested upon return to the studio?

Far from it. The mood was overwhelmingly critical, played out in the same wearied tone that had characterised the pre-match debate.

“Lunatic asylum stuff,” was how Dunphy described the manager’s original selection and the decision to take off Kevin Doyle, before adding: “Don’t get carried away with the great coach.”

Later: “He got away with murder tonight” — citing the withdrawal of Andy Keogh after 19 minutes (the same Andy Keogh Eamon didn’t want in the team in the first place) and the later introduction of Noel Hunt for Doyle. “He was just throwing the chips on the table, he was gambling.”

Then: “The Italians were playing so deep, we (i.e. the studio panel) could have played in midfield”.

Giles wasn’t quite so descriptive, but he holds out little hope of this result proving a Road to Damascus moment for the manager. Some will take one-all away draws with the world champions. But none of those ‘some’ were in Montrose last night.