Tangled up in blues
The news, when it broke late on Wednesday night, was sensational. But you could hardly call it a shock. If Manchester United ditched Alex Ferguson today, that would be a shock. Ditto Arsene Wenger parting company with Arsenal. But Jose Mourinho’s departure from Stamford Bridge, while undoubtedly one of great surprises of the sporting year, always had a whiff of grim inevitability of it. Given the wholly dysfunctional nature of the relationship between manager and owner at Chelsea, the only issue was whether the parting of ways would come sooner rather than later — and probably irrespective of whether Mourinho managed to deliver the quadruple, the grand slam, the Tour de France, the Grand National and the world darts championship.
Ah, but did he jump or was he pushed? The question appears to be obsessing Chelsea fans, understandably baffled by an official club statement which insisted that Mourinho had neither resigned nor been sacked. Perhaps Liamo, your ever faithful Agony Uncle, can help.
Think of it this way. We’ve all been there at the end of the affair. We have all been either Roman or Jose. (And some of us have even been both). Once you get your head around that, it’s easy to imagine how the painful scene might have unfolded.
The setting: a small West London cafe on a dark, sad night. Bob Dylan’s ‘Tangled Up In Blue’ is playing softly on a jukebox. Two men are sitting at a secluded table in the corner.
Roman (wistfully): “Your hair looks lovely this evening, Jose.”
Jose: “Thanks. But I’m surprised. You seem to have hardly noticed me lately. What is it?”
Roman (staring into coffee cup): “Look, Jose, we have to talk. (Takes a deep breath). This just isn’t working out.”
Jose: “What?”
Roman: “It’s not you, it’s me”
Jose: “What?”
Roman: “I’m just not ready to settle down. This all became too serious too fast. I want more fun. I want more entertainment.”
Jose (lower lip trembling): “And I thought I was your special one. You, you, beast, you.”
Roman: “Now Jose, there’s no need to be like that. Come on, we had some great times together.”
Jose: “There’s some else, isn’t there. Is it Andriy? Is it Michael?”
Roman (looking away): “Jose, never mind the Ballacks, it’s...”
Jose (interrupts angrily) “I want my CDs back.”
Roman: “Ok.”
Jose: “And my portable video thingy.”
Roman: “You broke that last week, remember? But, please, take whatever else you think is rightfully yours.”
Jose (brightly). “Ok, I’ll take 30 million squids then, thanks.”
Roman: “WHAT?”
Door opens. Enter man in suit, flashing a shark’s grin.
Man: “Hello, I’m a solicitor.”
Yes, I know what you’re thinking: he must have been at an adjoining table, probably disguised as a sheik. (Followed quickly by a second thought: how could he allow a terrible Sex Pistols punk into such a tragic and beautifully written scene?)
Indeed. But here’s the serious bit. In the aftermath of any break up, it’s the kids you worry about most. Whether you love or loathe Mourinho — and it’s hard to think anyone could be indifferent — the evidence on the field of play was that he engendered a rare and wondrous team spirit at Stamford Bridge. And while it might be easy enough to acknowledge that quality in the context of back to back titles, perhaps nothing became him and his influence quite like the way in which the team tried but failed to make it three-in-a-row last time out, doggedly pursuing Manchester United to the bitter end and then bouncing back to lift the Cup.
The word now is that the dressing room is “split”, with Roman’s boys, Shevchenko and Ballack, leading the counter revolution. Sounds like a minority revolt to me. Terry, Lampard, Drogba, Carvalho, Makelele, Cech, Essien — the heart and lungs and spine of the team is composed of Mourinho loyalists, men who played their hearts out for a manager in whom they appeared to have full and unswerving belief. Like all professional footballers, they will continue to play for the club, regardless of who is in charge, but right now it seems inconceivable that Avram Grant will inspire them in the same way that Mourinho did.
Despite all Roman Abramovich’s meddling, the team that takes the field in Old Trafford tomorrow will still be Jose Mourinho’s. And, for their act of lunacy in jettisoning a manager as outstanding and successful as Mourinho — or making his life so difficult that it effectively amounted to the same thing — Chelsea FC may find that they will pay a far bigger price than the hefty compensation package the Special One trousered as he was finally ushered out the door.
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