‘Jet terror’not quite how it was portrayed

I UNDERSTAND that literally tens of letters have flooded into the Irish Examiner, expressing ineffable joy at the news that the paper’s soccer correspondent is alive and well and back on terra firma after Monday evening’s heart-stopping mid-air drama which one newspaper dubbed ‘Stan’s jet terror’.

I only wish I’d remembered to be terrified myself. Faced with the reality of impending doom, I might have been inspired to pen the ultimate eye-witness account of a close encounter with the Grim Reaper at 20,000 feet, a Pulitzer-winning screed in which I would grimly detail the hysteria in the cabin as the sobbing stars of Irish football sent farewell texts to their loved ones, FAI officials hastily drafted a statement about aviation “best practice” and problems “going forward” (not to mention downward), and at least one grim-faced journalist spent his final moments doing what comes most naturally in times of crisis — filling in a frankly outrageous expenses claim: “One pair of hand-stitched silk underpants (slightly used). 500 euro”.

Sadly, and not wising to rain on any tabloid parade, but this is how the “terror” actually played out, as seen from the vantage point of Seat 31F.