It’s not like watching Argentina

A SIZZLER of a Sunday in Munich, although that had more to do with the scorching weather than the fairly modest amount of heat generated by the boys from Brazil.

They say you should always beware a team that can win ugly. Well, no-one is saying that Brazil are doing that in this World Cup — in football terms, the accusation would border on the libellous — but what they are doing is winning routinely, even mundanely. And so much more was expected of them than that.

Yesterday’s 2-0 victory over Australia in an Allianz Arena ablaze with 66,000 fans in yellow, means that Brazil are the first team to have secured their place in the knockout stages from Group F. And short of Japan springing a surprise against them, it looks as if Croatia and Australia are set up for a death or glory decider in Stuttgart on Thursday.

But Brazil need to fairly radically overhaul their game if they are to eclipse Argentina as the South American team most likely to triumph in Germany. For a long time yesterday, they laboured to produce the goods, only Kaka of the so-called Magic Quartet living up to billing.

As for Big Ron, his assist in the first goal by Adriano notwithstanding, he had another afternoon to forget, although I don’t think Brazilian TV will spare him that moment in the first half when, at the end of one of the better samba moves, he made a complete Crouch of the attempted volley on goal.

For their part, Australia will rightly claim that they got no sympathy from referee Markus Merk, who seemed to think that any minor form of body contact from the boys down under was an attempt to infiltrate Aussie Rules into Association Football.

Although Brazil were better in the second half, at 1-0 they were always in danger of being caught and, as Australia gamely chased the game, Harry Kewell, Mark Viduka and Marco Bresciano all came close.

But then, right at the death, Robinho — for the second game in succession, a much livelier replacement for Ronaldo — struck the post, and another substitute, Fred, was on hand to tap in the rebound and start the carnival.

But, as you scanned the gyrating bodies around the ground you couldn’t help thinking that the whistles were being blown and the drums being beaten as much in relief as in celebration.

Before all that, we’d had Super Saturday, as Ghana captured the imagination of the world with their victory over the Czech Republic, while a new battalion of American heroes was born thanks to the nine men’s brave stand against Italy.

Those of us who’d been in Hanover to see the Italians’ narrow victory over Ghana knew that the self-styled ‘Black Stars’ were more than capable of springing a surprise in the tournament. But, for all the power of their play that night, it was clear that, unless they found a way to transform their attacking threat into goals, they would struggle to get points on the board in Group E.

Well, it didn’t take them long to locate the final piece of the jigsaw against the Czechs — barely 70 seconds had elapsed when the superb Stephen Appiah picked out Asamoah Gyan on the edge of the box and, after taking the ball down on his chest, he beat Petr Cech with a low shot.

And so began yet another game in this tournament to offer an intoxicating mix of skill, controversy, goal-mouth incidents and the occasional helping of madness, all played out against the backdrop of wildly colourful Ghanaian celebrations that continued from first kick to last.

You had to be delighted for them. After their defeat in Hanover, I found myself in the wee hours in one of the city’s U-Bahn stations. Being down in a tube station at midnight has its perils at the best of times, never mind on match night. But the mood underground in Hanover was wonderful, as the Ghanaians brought all human traffic to a standstill with an impromptu performance of choreographed dancing and singing.

But, of course, they were doing it in part to mask their disappointment, as one fan explained to me in some detail, making much of the team’s lack of a clinical cutting edge. No language barrier here — but then, he was a Gooner from Ladbroke Grove.

I thought of him after the 2-0 victory over the Czech’s which blew Group E wide open. Though Ghana will be without Gyan and winger Sulley Muntari for the US game, they can still look to Appiah and Michael Essien for inspiration as they seek to escape what has become the group of life.

For still being in with a chance at all, the US deserve huge credit. I found myself watching their draw with Italy from my hotel base in Heidelberg in the company of an American guy in town on business. By his own admission, soccer was a decidedly foreign game to him.

“Are the US still short-handed?” he asked with 15 minutes to go, and was shocked to learn that America’s two dismissals could not return from football’s bin of sin.

Inevitably, upon request, I found myself trying to explain offside to him, endeavouring to keep it as straightforward and relevant as possible. “Okay, okay,” was his encouraging reply. “I think I’m beginning to get it.”

“There are a couple of exceptions but you needn’t worry about them,” I added, thinking that there was no point baffling him with talk of “active/inactive” and someone who might, or might not, be “interfering with play”.

A minute later, he was punching the air as the US seemed to have completed an extraordinary comeback thanks to DeMarcus Beasley’s angled drive — only for yours truly to have to deflate his shiny new balloon by explaining how, even though he hadn’t touched the ball, Brian McBride had been interfering with play.

England? Remember that goal by England’s Long Fellow against Trinidad and Tobago, and the way he had a handful of yer man’s hair? Since the score at the time was 0-0, would it be fair to say that Peter Crouch, er, broke the dreadlock?

In keeping with the day’s colour scheme, I’ll award myself a yellow.