Bono fide effort to end managers’ spat

WE ALL know the celebrated tale of the Christmas Day truce in 1914 when British and German soldiers stopped trying to kill each other long enough to play a game of football between the trenches.

Heart-warming stuff, even if normal grisly service was resumed once the final whistle was blown.

Still, you have to ask: how many millions more would have been slaughtered if the respective managers on the day had been called Wenger and Mourinho? We jest, of course, but a little perspective even of the darkly humorous kind might not go amiss as, with a heartfelt cry of 'bah, humbug', we turn our attention to the battle of the bosses.

To judge by the amount of print and airtime devoted to the verbal feud between the Arsenal and Chelsea managers, you'd be forgiven for thinking that something of vital importance was at stake. But there isn't.

It's not a matter of war or peace or life or death or even right or wrong just an increasingly silly spat between two grown men who are both intelligent enough to know better.

The whole protracted saga reached a new level of absurdity in the aftermath of last weekend's 2-0 victory for champions Chelsea which pretty much condemned Arsenal to a minor supporting role for the remainder of the championship.

First, there was the curious and even comical sight of Mourinho shaking hands with his own staff on the bench with a few minutes still to play. Not that he looked them in the eye; instead, like the disembodied hand in the Addams family, Mourinho's seemed to take on a life of its own, as it moved to the right and the left and even over his shoulder, while its owner continued to look straight ahead.

If we thought that Jose was actually practising for the moment when he would be obliged to press the flesh with Wenger, we were wrong. Barely had the echo of Rob Styles' final whistle subsided than Mourinho was off down the tunnel and out of sight, leaving Wenger with no points but the small consolation of the apparent occupation of the high moral ground.

Or at least for 24 hours or so. Then, Chelsea let it be known that the version of the club Christmas card sent to the Arsenal boss had contained a personal note from Mourinho to Wenger in which he had apologised for the any hurt caused by his ill-judged 'voyeur' comment. Mourinho had always sought to play down the literal meaning of the remark even as others insisted on attributing a more sinister intent to his use of the word; either way, Mourinho's attempt to lay old ghosts to rest seemed like a welcome move.

But one small step forward was promptly followed by two back: Chelsea then explained that, prior to Sunday's game, an Arsenal staffer had questioned the authenticity of Mourinho's writing on the card. Furthermore, it was said that Mourinho had expected Wenger to shake his hand before the game and that, when this failed to materialise, the Chelsea boss decided on how best to phrase this? a return to war.

So where to from here? By the time you are tucking into your turkey it may be that both men will have embraced and exchanged the traditional manly peace offerings of socks and book tokens. Then again, by the time you get to the pudding they will probably be back in the trenches, lobbing daft new jibes at each other.

As stated earlier, both men should no better. Wenger is a thoughtful sort and affable enough even if a bit on the humourless side. Mourinho too is articulate, forthright and frankly, a bit of a hoot.

Some find his arrogance overbearing, but I suspect that this has a lot to do with his being a foreign chap. Consider, by contrast, the way in which Brian Clough the big head all the other big heads called 'The Guvnor' was taken to the bosom of his nation (if not quite his national football association).

It seems fairly evident to me that a lot of what Mourinho says is delivered with tongue firmly in cheek, a refreshing departure from the ranting and raving and reliance on cliché which has long been the managerial lingua franca in Blighty. Jose's Big Time Charlie role is clearly calculated to impress at the club all the others want to beat, his profile means he remains head and shoulders above his millionaire charges, at once keeping their egos in place and deflecting all the outside pressure and attention onto himself.

And, as a man manager and coach, he is obviously one of the best, not the least of his achievements being the rare unity of purpose and fighting spirit which marks Chelsea out from the rest.

What would be nice, however, is if he put distracting spats to one side and applied more effort to getting his team to play in a style befitting of champions and more reflective of the individual talents he has at his disposal. Chelsea are admirable for their workrate, discipline and will to win but they are easier to like (and even to hate) than they are to love.

As for the Wenger-Mourinho saga, it may require the intercession of a third party to put things right. Now that Bono has united the warring factions in Norn Iron and helped make poverty history, perhaps he will have time to step into the centre circle and, Hume/Trimble style, raise aloft the arms of Wenger and Mourinho as millions look on weeping and giving thanks.

Better still, he could get the two boys into the studio and, with Jose as John and Arsene as Yoko, cut a new version of the seasonal classic, 'Happy Xmas (War Is Over)'.

And when that happens, it will surely be only a matter of time before we see Roy Keane and Mick McCarthy partnering each other on 'Strictly Come Dancing.'