'The fun had gone out of the whole thing': Why Jack McCaffrey quit Dublin panel

The drawn All-Ireland final - in which he was Man of the Match - and the realisation that he would have to do it all again in the replay as "broke" him, he said

Jack McCaffrey of Dublin during last year's All-Ireland final with Kerry. Picture: David Fitzgerald/Sportsfile

Jack McCaffrey has revealed how he walked away from Dublin and inter-county football in disillusion following last February's Allianz League defeat to Tyrone in Omagh.

The five-time All-Ireland winner and 2015 Footballer of the Year said he first felt "the fun had gone out of the whole thing" in the middle of 2019 though played on and won his fourth All-Star.

The medical doctor described the drawn All-Ireland final - in which he was Man of the Match - and the realisation that he would have to do it all again in the replay as "what broke me".

Speaking to former team-mate Bernard Brogan on OTB Sports'  The Bernard Brogan podcast, McCaffrey said he only remained on the panel for 2020 because of Dessie Farrell's appointment and said that it all came to a head for him in February with that tie against Tyrone.

McCaffrey came on at half-time in the match, which was played in atrocious conditions, and was then replaced in the 65th minute after suffering a hamstring injury.

"Coming back down from that game, I'd hurt my hamstring, got on the bus, rang a friend in New York, booked a flight to New York the following day, left the country, decided to quit football," said McCaffrey.

"That's another thing that I don't want to say that I'm doing (retiring) because I don't really like this whole 'retired', probably because I'm a bit younger. I don't want to say I'm retiring. Gaelic football is a hobby, it's something I love and nobody would be happier than me if I woke up tomorrow and said, 'I've got a bit of a buzz on, I want to play for Dublin again'. It's not there at the moment.

"That's not to say it won't be there again. I'm going to be playing for Clontarf until I'm about 47 years old!"

McCaffrey scored 1-3 in last year's drawn All-Ireland final with Kerry but revealed the anguish he felt immediately afterwards when he learned a replay would be required.

"Something just wasn't right and it probably wasn't right since half way through the summer last year when I just felt the fun had gone out of the whole thing really," he said.

"I wasn't looking forward to going to training. I'd spoken in interviews before about the love I had for the group and stuff and that was always true but it just kind of suddenly wasn't really (there) anymore, just because of the changes in my life as opposed to anywhere else.

McCaffrey in action during the 2017 National Football League. Picture: Ray McManus/Sportsfile

"Then I think what broke me was the drawn final. You just build up everything for this game and it went quite well on a personal level and obviously we didn't win, didn't lose thank God, but I remember walking over to the ref, I thought there was extra-time, and David Moran stuck his hand out to shake my hand and I was like, 'What, we don't have to do this again, do we?'"

McCaffrey said he skipped a training session between the drawn final and the replay because he couldn't face it. He attended a medical meeting and said he could have easily left to take part in training but chose to stay and blamed his absence on work when talking to manager Jim Gavin.

"I was drained by that (draw), then I never really got it back," he said.

In a wide-ranging interview with Brogan, the 27-year-old said he is enjoying keeping fit and recently ran 10km in 38 minutes.

He said he enjoys exercise and described it as "a massive part" of maintaining a positive mood.

"I'm doing a good bit of work on that myself at the moment," said McCaffrey. "I haven't figured out quite yet how to get in and out of my own head properly and where I'm at and just kind of checking in with myself.

"One thing I'm very good at is kind of reading other people and giving them what they want and kind of showing them a side of me that I think they want to see, especially in media things, a bit of a smile and whatever.

"It's not always what's going on but it's something I've found has worked for me, just projecting that. Now 90% of the time that is the case but I've had times when I've been very down and people just wouldn't know about it, until they do.

"That's only happened once or twice fortunately but it's kind of been pent up a long time before it's been teased out. From a footballing point of view I've always been confident, everything else, no, not always."

Speaking to Brogan, McCaffrey said: "I can't explain how much I respect anyone who is comfortable in their own skin.

"I don't care if that's you, the all-American handsome Gaelic footballer, whatever, or if it's some fella that wears flared jeans and has no interest in sport, whatever it is, someone is cool as far as I'm concerned if they're happy and comfortable being them.

"So that's what I kind of aspire to now, to just be happy with where I'm at and what I'm doing. I like to think I'm getting there but it hasn't always been like that. You've seen me shed a tear or two."

- The full interview with Jack McCaffrey on OTB Sports' The Bernard Brogan podcast is available here