The big interview: The price of being Derek McGrath

Teacher. Husband. Father. Manager. Derek McGrath accepts he could be better in every role, but he tries. God, damn it, he tries. In typically candid fashion, he spoke exclusively to the Irish Examiner ahead of tomorrow’s All-Ireland final about failing to strike a balance in his life and the contradictions that both define and fuel his life and management.

“So, rumble, young musicians, rumble. Open your ears and open your hearts. Don’t take yourself too seriously, and take yourself as seriously as death itself. Don’t worry. Worry your ass off. Have ironclad confidence, but doubt — it keeps you awake and alert. Believe you are the baddest ass in town, and, you suck! It keeps you honest. It keeps you honest. Be able to keep two completely contradictory ideas alive and well inside of your heart and head at all times. If it doesn’t drive you crazy, it will make you strong. And stay hard, stay hungry, and stay alive. And when you walk onstage on tonight to bring the noise, treat it like it’s all we have.”

Bruce Springsteen, SXSW keynote address, 2012.

Sarah McGrath is unlikely to be in Croke Park tomorrow. Her husband Derek has pleaded with her to attend but she says she doesn’t want to mess up a good thing. She was at the Munster semi-final but only lasted until half-time.

“Since then, she hasn’t gone to any match,” says the Waterford manager. “She’s just stayed away and now she’s just at the stage where she’s kind of thinking there’s some sort of superstition attached to the fact that she hasn’t gone to games.”

A ticket will have been put aside for her just in case she changes her mind. Given the sacrifices she has made and the demands placed on her, it would be only right that she be there. From a tumultuous first season in charge that could have finished him as Waterford manager to now, she has taken every step. Her employers AIB have been accommodating to her these last four years as De La Salle College have been to her husband.

“I’d have often said to her, ‘Look, Sarah, it’s going to get worse before it gets better”. That would have been the common theme. The aftermath of year one would have been the worst scenario we faced as a family. We’d be beaten by Wexford in the championship and been relegated and lost a couple of selectors. Then we were omitting 10 guys from the panel but it was never a loss of faith on her behalf. She was always ‘if you think what you’re doing is right, then do it’. She would have been so supportive but fearful of the consequences that would come with it. In trying to brace or warn her, we would talk about acceptance of people’s opinions and saying nothing, which would be hard at times.”

Being John Mullane’s sister would have given her a taste of what was to come. Only a taste, mind. “The one good thing about John was that there was always a feeling he was one of the major players for Waterford so there was seldom a scenario where she had anyone giving out about his form. He was always to the forefront of what Waterford stood for. The only time she got uptight was when there was a danger of John being involved in anything and that was something he really got on top of as he went through his career. She would be nervous for him and nervous about what people would say about him, so it’s been simulated long before now. (But) nothing prepared her for the management element of it.”

Together since 1994, McGrath knows he would be lost without her as much as he appreciates he could be there more for her and their sons, Fionn and Odhrán. Last month, she and the boys spent two weeks in Santa Ponsa. McGrath joined them for a couple of days between training sessions the week following the semi-final win over Cork. Nobody needs to tell him it wasn’t ideal.

“I’d love to create the perfect scenario where we would go out for a meal and we’re away from it but she just lets me do my own thing on it. This is what it is for me now. I’m obviously committed to my marriage but in time I will be more committed to domestic life. That’s the sad thing but it’s the truth. The reality is she’s brilliant, she’s great with the kids, and what I do with the kids is almost always dramatic. I’m saying to them, ‘Let’s go to Tramore and to the amusements’. It’s not out the back, tapping around or going to the local park. I won’t say it’s materialistic but there’s a part of it that’s not real. There’s probably a sadness to that.

“We obviously got away for 36 hours after the (Cork semi-final) game but last year in the run-up to other games, we would have gone to Dublin. I actually did the tour of Croke Park before the semi-final last year and we stayed in Coppers on the Wednesday night. We just got away from it. There have been sporadic moments when we’ve got away from it but they have been few and far between, albeit the support and the love is constant.”

A man as self-aware as McGrath isn’t ignorant of the irony of his “loco parentis” remarks regarding suspended Conor Gleeson and how he spoke to the player’s mother about his disciplinary case. Former Kilkenny star Eoin Larkin seemed to take exception to McGrath’s actions when he tweeted: “Why is derek Mcgrath meetin (sic) wit his players mothers. theyre (sic) senior players. Not u6s. 1st de burca and Conor Gleeson”.

Not that he feels obliged to explain himself to Larkin but he stands by his actions: “Conor is 20 years of age. There was a huge emotional scenario whereby he was going to lose out on an All-Ireland final appearance and has lost out. What can be conveyed at times is this super-human approach as if I’m some sort of Mother Teresa character and to me, it’s just the decent thing to do, to talk to his mother. Invariably, what can happen in the run-up to a final is the rumour mill goes full circle as regards what should be done about the case and the hearing. You were going to talk to them to set them straight and explain your thought processes on it. That nearly equated with her. Conor was immediately on board with the way we wanted to address it. That’s the relationship we have tried to build with all the families.

“If it was Kevin (Moran), for instance, if it was Brick Walsh, I might have just called their fathers. I probably would have talked to Brick himself instead of talking to his parents. It’s the nature of who you are dealing with. Both Tadhg (de Búrca) and Conor are relatively new to disciplinary procedures and the scrutiny and the amount of exposure they have been given over the last number of weeks. You can’t really apologise for trying to do the right thing.”

Like Gleeson, Tom Devine will also be missing out today having left the panel following the league campaign to travel. After his two goals against Galway in Salthill and the trouble he gave Daithí Burke back in April, he wouldn’t have been far from Waterford supporters’ thoughts in the build-up to tomorrow. Nor McGrath’s.

“He’s won a championship in San Francisco. I saw a photo of him and he’s in pristine condition as he always is. Particularly with the fact of how well he played against Galway a few months ago, he’s in my mind. I said previously that Tom is so independently minded and spirited that there was never a moment when I contemplated saying I wonder whether we should give Tom a ring and invite him back into the panel even having progressed from quarter-final to semi-final. Tom is one of the guys that when he leaves the panel, there would be no sense of regret. There would be a sense of delight for the panel. He lives in that mind where we’d all like to live in — no bitterness or no badness in him. He just did what he wanted to do. The only thing you’d think of is including him in some capacity as regards the event himself because he has contributed a lot over the last three years, which shouldn’t be forgotten.”

From organising the meals for journalists at the press morning to suits to nailing down the game-plan earlier this week, there are few things that McGrath hasn’t involved himself in for this final. He could say he’s a control freak but then he gave Austin Gleeson permission to do a host of publicity interviews less than a fortnight before the game. It would set off alarm bells for most managers but not McGrath.

“It doesn’t affect his training or how he plays and that’s the most important thing. He’s a fine young man. The irony is the leash that is sometimes associated with our style of play is not tightened on players when it comes to exposure in the run-up to games.”

After beating Kilkenny for the first time in 58 years, he encouraged his players to appreciate that victory for what it will be in time — historic — rather than trying to belittle it ahead of their quarter-final. He doesn’t want them to diminish anything they should enjoy. Like the build-up to the final. Only Moran and Walsh have previous experiences of finals but McGrath’s not going to walk his players through everything, such as the presidential greeting.

“You get a reputation for detail and yet sometimes it’s a lack of detail that works. While the detail may come in terms of how we go about our business on the field, that mightn’t need to be the case off it. I would recall, for instance, when we were in our first county final in ’05 against Ballygunner. Eddie O’Connor was training us and the Sunday before, we had gone around in a mock parade and shook hands. It was the simulation of what would be coming in our first final the following week. We played really well in that final but were beaten by a brilliant Paul Flynn point at the end. People were saying we have every aspect covered and they were accurate but it’s not something you can follow on with just because another crowd have done it previously.

“We’ll mention it but I’d like to think the group are able to deal with it. There’s lots of stories like Michael D (Higgins) or Mary McAleese going back to their seat and saying ‘I knew by talking to them that they were nervous’. I’m not sure psychologically how meeting the president on the red carpet will impact on the boys. How they deal with it won’t have any influence on how we play or otherwise. I think the fellas will be okay.”

McGrath would be loathe to think that his players mightn’t cherish the opportunity in front of them.

“There’s pomp and ceremony with the final and it’s a different set of circumstances. Us against the world, that siege mentality, works to a certain degree in certain scenarios, but it’s a final and it has to be enjoyed. They’re rooted in ordinariness and I think they’ve taken the example from Kilkenny. The greatest thing I ever saw coming out from Kilkenny was their willingness to move onto the next challenge and be as ordinary as you can be but not a false humility, which is something that isn’t attractive to people. I think that comes from their parents and their teachers and themselves.

“The advice we have given them in the run-up is to be themselves. So if they’re in a photograph with somebody down the town they haven’t lost the run of themselves — the reality is they’re just having a photograph with somebody.

“They’ll prepare well for the game no matter what.”

For those players who wish to attend, there’s Mass in Enfield tomorrow at 9 and 11. As a lapsed Catholic himself, McGrath wouldn’t dare impose it on them but the message is “it won’t do us any harm”. He has spoken before about how his faith becomes more emphasised before matches. He will have said a few prayers to the Sacred Heart “never asking to win but be the best we can be. Tell Him ‘I’ll go to Mass Sunday’, don’t go subsequently. There’s an element of hypocrisy but you’re trying to do your best by everyone.”

In recent times, he’s become friendly with Mickey Harte, a man who openly speaks about the power of prayer and how it can work for teams. McGrath read his two autobiographies and was astounded by Harte’s perseverance and calmness. “I’d love to have his composure, being on the line and just folding his arms. I see elements of that in Micheál Donoghue as well. Mickey would have remarked to me that Garvaghey was really in place before they won an All-Ireland but once they got over the line it acted almost as a catalyst for everything to take off and the structures were aligned to what they wanted. He’s just a great man. He once said the key to living, in general, is recognising the uniqueness of the individual. For us, that parallels “(To Kill A) Mockingbird”, which is what I’m always quoting from, seeing things from other people’s point of view.

“You have someone like Michael Walsh who has three kids and has to leave at a certain time to get them settled. Fiona is his wife and sometimes he’s not home until 10 o’clock. Then, you have a free spirit like Jamie Barron, doing a thesis in UCC. A lot of lads are like that, Darragh Lyons in Cork IT and living the dream, if you like, in college. Mickey has been brilliant at merging all those concepts.”

Before 2003, Harte had nothing but the 1986 and ’95 All-Ireland final appearances in terms of tradition. At least Waterford have the 1948 and ’59 successes but McGrath hasn’t been inclined to lean on them. “We haven’t referenced it at all and that is in no way belittling the achievements. We’re aware of our history, we’re aware of our last All-Ireland, we’re aware of the great men, the Martin Ógs (Morrissey), the Frankie Walshs, the Philly Grimes, the Austin Flynns, the Tom Cheastys etc. We’re aware of their iconic status and are completely respectful of their achievements including John Barron, my own club-mate.

“We said in the run-up to the Kilkenny game we wouldn’t reference ’59 because it had been so long since we had beaten them. We might have mentioned it once but then decided it wasn’t the best course to follow. We’ve just gone down the route of preparing for the game as a single entity and that might seem very cold but that’s the way we’ve gone about it. Do things cross your mind like involving Martin Óg or Austin Flynn for a talk to the lads? Of course, they do but when you park those thoughts it’s not because you’re being disrespectful of those men; it’s because you’re preparing in a different way.”

Anyway, if it comes to drawing from the past, McGrath knows Galway have a more potent motivation in honouring the spirit of the recently-departed Tony Keady, a man whose company he shared and enjoyed in the hours prior to last year’s final. Waterford’s motivation may not be quite at that emotional pitch, which mightn’t be such a bad thing when they were, to no avail, in 2008. This has been quite the journey for McGrath and his young group but he doesn’t allow himself to indulge in the romance of it.

“There’s no satisfaction looking back and thinking ‘it’s been great, no matter what’. I haven’t allowed myself that. We’re only focused on Galway and getting the best out of ourselves. Success is often judged on trophies. I could be very coldly judged on two league finals, two Munster finals and if we lose Sunday, we’ve only won one trophy out of five. I’d accept that is the job of people to do. Real success for us on Sunday is arriving at the pitch of the game, the actual beat of the game, with real intensity and knowing our team is the now and in the zone and we take whatever comes after that. That’s our aim.”

To treat it like it’s all they have.