Diarmuid Connolly’s ripped shirts and 39 other questions to answer today

There are questions. And then there are the leading questions, more important even than the Five Things We Learned. Here’s 40 head-scratchers in advance of today’s Croke Park shenanigans.

1. After what went on this week, would a Lee Keegan red card merit a new season of Making a Murderer?

2. What has become of the ‘Tabloid Boggerism’ — as it was Dubbed — that targeted Philly McMahon last year? Has he been successfully rehabilitated in the eyes of the influential?

3. Will the Dublin Old Boys Network and the Concerned Friends of Mayo Alliance consider staying together after the replay to become two of the most powerful lobby groups in the land?

4. For all their talk, has Joe Duffy been under-used by Dublin in the replay build-up?

5. And was it on the Sunday Game the last day that Mayo first truly felt the loss of Kevin McStay?

6. How many pundits will retire if Dublin do play as badly again?

7. Who will blink first this evening and be panicked into playing well?

8. After a stripped-down approach has got them this far, can Mayo afford to take a chance on playing well?

9. He might nail 20 or even 25, but if Stephen Cluxton puts even one kickout over the sideline, will it be considered a nervous breakdown?

10. By now, is even Ryan Tubridy going around using the phrase ‘push up on Cluxton’?

11. You’d imagine the Dubs need a big pre-match statement this time round but options are limited. Will they take the Canal?

12. Which ex-Dublin player will deny on the radio today that Jim McGuinness has been turned and was in drilling the camp all week?

13. Did Aidan O’Shea’s shot come down yet?

14. We know well by now that the Dubs will win if it’s dry and Mayo are home and hosed if it’s wet. But what if it snows?

15. Will the Drumcondra betting offices be able to accommodate the droves stalling to have a last- minute punt once they see whether the clouds have opened?

16. Which dummy team knows it’s a dummy team?

17. Jim Gavin has often told us he wants to finish with his best team on the field. Does that mean he will start the same 15?

18. Who is going to mind John Casey down in the tunnel?

19. Could Dana White be the man to make sure the teams come out in a dignified, sporting fashion with the minimum of fuss?

20. If Mayo do it, which of their “spoiled, blame-everybody losers” will take the bait and call out Joe Brolly?

21. If Mayo do it and none of the “mollycoddled brats” call out Joe Brolly, will Joe’s self-esteem and sense of enormous wellbeing ever fully recover?

22. Would it be worth Mayo’s while putting a call in to Puma for the material in those Switzerland shirts that disintegrated so handy playing France in the Euros? Just to counter the Connolly rippability factor.

23. Are Diarmuid Connolly’s ripped shirts the most effective foul alert mechanism since Brian Lohan’s unfastened helmet?

24. What if they start going for the shorts? Could we be facing the most serious wardrobe malfunction at Croker since RTÉ’s Mick Dunne got his post-match quotes in a winning Kerry dressing room?

25. Had Maurice Deegan time to read all the stuff that was written especially for him this week? Can he claim the price of those papers on expenses?

26. Will Maurice go for common sense or try for consistency? Has anyone decided which they want?

27. What has all the attention done to the spread on black card offences to go unpunished? Lower than the usual six or seven?

28. Is there anyone still pretending they know what a black card offence is?

29. If Diarmuid Connolly was put off, might the freedom allow him ‘do a Charlie’ and kick a quick 1-3 before anyone noticed he hadn’t gone to the line?

30. If Mayo win, who is next in line for the full weight of a nation’s condescension? Will the Waterford hurlers be able for the burden?

31. Would the Mayo GAA blog servers be able for a second replay?

32. Are the Dublin Old Boys Network brainstorming hashtags just in case it does finish level again?

33. Does it matter anyway who wins it? On a weekend like this aren’t we all standing shoulder to shoulder as proud Europeans?

34. With the way they rallied after the two own-goals the last day, would it be less expensive and more efficient if Colm Boyle turned on the first ball and swung it over his own crossbar? Just to get the worst over with.

35. What happens if both of them stick to the process?

36. If it’s a bit wet, will Deegan let the kickers take divots again? Or is that another rule that’s more of a guideline?

37. What if all the keyboard warriors actually make good on their pre-match posturing? Could Garda overtime double?

38. Will Dessie Dolan have time for a wash? Or will he have the togs on under the three-piece suit?

39. Over the expanse of the game, what addition will Jim make to Galvin bingo?

40. It will be up to David Brady to counter in his own language. Will Mayo be going back to the drawing room, or might they upset the apple tart?