Tomás Ó Sé : I went as hard as I could for as long as I could

Whatever challenge threw itself up on a football field, I always worked diligently to ensure I was ready for it.

That was ingrained in me. If you worked hard and trained hard, you were never going to be afraid of anything that was ahead of you.

So I can’t really know if I’ll regret retiring from football because there’s not much you can do to prepare for the day when you’re no longer a footballer. ‘Former’ is a word I’m going to have to get used to seeing a lot of.

Over the course of the last three or four seasons, I’ve concluded it’s really hard to be where I want to be in terms of being happy with my game and remaining in good shape. When you throw into the mix the balances and pressures of life, you reach an undeniable conclusion that it’s hard to keep them all going. I felt I was continuously chasing my tail. Never having time to do things properly.

And that’s the key word — properly. I’d never be happy unless I was trying to be the best. If I was going out onto a field, I’d always want to be the best prepared player on that field. That was right up until my last game at the start of September in Croke Park.

I grew up across the road from PO; from the moment we understood how to walk or talk, it was always Kerry football. We saw what Páidí had won, we saw legends coming through the front door like the postman. I learned more watching him and it’s all I ever wanted to do.

Everything else in my life took a back seat after that; that is just the way it is, a lot of things suffered because of it. Even the Gaeltacht club took a back seat. Everything was geared towards Kerry and winning and getting myself geared up for that. Someone asked me lately did I ever regret not fecking off to the States for a summer. I did in my backside. The best place you could be of a summer in Kerry was training inside in Fitzgerald Stadium. Lucky enough too that we were up in Dublin every August, the best feeling you could have.

Retirement torpedoes all that; the three hours travelling to and from training that invariably meant having the craic and the banter with the lads; that was half the fun. I enjoyed the training, even though when you are working, there is no talk, no craic, just driving it on, soaking it up. I enjoyed that bit of it. There will be a big chunk missing from the schedule, and I’m not sure how I am going to deal with that.

I could have had a better send off than losing a semi-final and seeing my man, Diarmuid Connolly, get man of the match, but there’s no script to these things. Kerry were on an upward curve this year, but if anything we, the players, let management down in the finish. I think Kerry would have improved again for a final. I might have too. It’s where you want to be with your form, always have the curve going upwards with the autumn.

You look at Dublin this year, a lot of their younger lads were on a downward curve as the year was progressing but their go-to men were on an upward curve; the sign of a great player is being able to peak in September. Fair play to Dublin, I’d be the first to congratulate them.

It just goes to show that the two biggest games in any inter-county player’s season — certainly one with Croke Park ambitions — are the All-Ireland semi-final and final.

Reflecting now, maybe 2009 was the last year I was totally happy with where my form was at. Like Kerry, I’ve been doing stuff in patches since, sporadically doing things well. And well in Kerry is winning All-Irelands. But 2009 was probably the best season I ever had, even though I spent half an hour of it suspended to the bench after going offside for a few hours after one match. It was also the most fulfilling, because it felt like Kerry were either at one extreme or the other. We were being booed and laughed at one minute, and spanking Dublin in Croke Park the next. Beating Cork in the final had a nice feel to it too.

Páidí enjoyed that one. As a shaper of things for me, you look back more now because he’s gone. He was the greatest Kerryman I’ve ever known. He was passionate about culture and the language, and he was brilliant with the locals back west. But ultimately it was the football. To my eyes, Kerry is defined a lot by footballers from the past, and he was top of the pile because I saw what he did, I saw what he sacrificed. I saw his work suffering, his family life suffering — and this was all for the Kerry cause. The man would wake up and not work a tap for the day because he’d be on the phone as Kerry manager from dawn till dusk, trying to make the team better. That’s why it irked us when he was treated so harshly and with such disrespect in 2003. I saw fellas from his own era, his own colleagues, laughing behind his back. That kind of stuff irked me. PO wasn’t a saint, but he was still the greatest Kerryman I saw. He continually did it on the field for Kerry, and then did it as a manager. It was probably the time for him to leave when he did go but I thought that fellas, the Tadgh a dha thaoibhs, should have treated him with more respect.

The sting didn’t last though, because Kerry was the bigger issue, and he’d have said that to us at the time. He was sour, but only because of how much he loved Kerry. But for him Kerry was the most important thing and us kicking up was not the way a Kerry footballer should behave. He was right. You take it on the chin, you walk away. He didn’t walk away quietly but he did make up with the fellas involved with his dismissal at the time. The then Kerry chairman — and possibly next GAA president — Sean Walsh is no bad man at all, and he wished him well. Seán spoke at Páidí’s graveside because the family asked him to.

Fellas also said we got off on the wrong foot with Jack O’Connor, and that is untrue because we never made an issue of it. We could have been awkward but we bought fully into Jack O’Connor from the start because it was more about Kerry than Páidí.

Down through the last 15 years, I’ve been to a lot less training sessions back in Gallarus with Gaeltacht than I should have been. But the inter-county fitness kept me relevant to them.

Without that now, it’s probably prudent to pack up the club too. And I wouldn’t have the stomach to fall in with a club in Cork at this stage, though there was a few offers over the years.

If I was to continue playing, I’d either have to train with a club in Cork, where I live, or do it on my own. Unlikely but whereas I know I won’t be reversing my decision on Kerry, maybe at some stage next season if I can help out the club in some way, I’d look at that — if I’m in the right shape.

The body creaks more now though, especially after losses. We’ve had a few sore ones and I’ve had a few cranky days but that’s all part of it. We lost some classics, but maybe they were classics because Kerry were involved, because the likes of Declan O’Sullivan and Gooch and these fellas lifted them to a higher plane.

It’s important too today to look at the county board in Kerry. Kerry players and the board work well together. There was always open lines of communication and when we asked for something that was reasonable, invariably we got it. That’s very important for harmony, and it transmitted itself onto the field.

And as John B Keane might say, it’s all about The Field. It’s where you saw the unvarnished character in a man, the truth of him. One scut on the field was Ryan McMenamin. Then I came across him on an International Rules tour and I was hoping I could hate him off the field too, but he was actually someone I got on very well with. I’ve never fallen out with any fella off the field because that’s where you leave it. Not that I’d be shy in saying if I didn’t like someone. But my experience has been, and perhaps there’s a thesis here, that players who have won All-Irelands tend to be more comfortable in their own skin. Those who have been there or thereabouts always seem to have an itch to scratch. Mine are scratched.

Mar focail scoir, I want to say how much I enjoyed every second I had playing and representing Kerry.

I love its history and traditions and am proud to say I was part of that Kerry jigsaw.

There are many people I need to thank which I will in my own time and in my own way but I want to thank the supporters of Kerry publicly for everything down the years. I was privileged to play with and alongside great, great players and made lifelong friends from it.

I went as hard as I could for as long as I could.