Kenny’s done well to steady ship with this lot

MARCELLUS WALLACE had the right idea about pride. Unprintable, but right.

Normally people say, “If you want something done, do it yourself” but stopping a team you dislike from emulating or even surpassing your own musty achievements is beyond the Reds right now, so we tend to adopt temporary allegiances no matter how dirty we feel.

Attempts to shrug off the unsavoury side effects of rivalry have failed in this house. Some say “rise above it” but frankly I’m bored out of my skull so the impulse to obsess about matters remains strong.

The proxies’ failures thus become ours’. I’ve developed a disturbing nausea towards Arsene Wenger, despite him being in the same position Rafa was deified for a whopping great two years ago.

Should we even be worrying about Moyes’ cloven hooves clattering behind us? They snuck up without us even noticing. Kenny’s done all right. United are on a roll but they’ve only won a few more points than Liverpool this year. It had been assumed that this would be enough to get him the job permanently but there are whispers now about Porto’s Villas Boas.

There’s even Italian tattle about a binding agreement with us that prevented him joining Roma.

I’m not sure where I’d stand on this. We can be cynical and say strolling the Portuguese and Europa Leagues whilst wearing a snazzy suit does not a Mourinho make. Or we can seize the day, get in before others moneybag him into submission and show some 1959-style initiative and faith in the unknown.

Would Kenny stand aside in any case? He certainly has the same hold on the fans that caused the removal of Rafa to be venally divisive, even today. ‘Unpleasant’ wouldn’t even begin to describe it.

What was he expected to do with this bunch anyway, other than steady a slightly sinking ship? And since such an erratic rabble has been decimated further by injuries, maybe a call to Jesus would have been more suitable.

Here’s a thought; the next time Harry Kewell of all people recommends a good doctor, just smile politely and keep sticking pins in the phonebook like you were before.

John Henry picked an interesting week to go public with his thoughts about the team he inherited.

My trip to Barcelona and the awe induced by their current standing coincided with numerous boasts from Fenway about what they’ll achieve and how far they’re prepared to go.

Fine words, for sure. Heard them before though, from two other Americans who nearly snuffed us out completely. Forgive us if we seem a little skittish.

Who is LeBron James anyway? Don’t know about you but I’m particular about who comes in to own a portion of ‘my’ football club. Even by American sport’s hypnotic standards I find basketball stupendously dull.

Still, it’s mildly encouraging if anyone thinks there’s gold in them Scouse hills. Tom and George might disagree, but as we’ve said for months the difference between Oratory and Action will hopefully become slenderer in the summer.

Until then there are still matches to get through. Dalglish was starting to look like a gladiator facing lions whilst having his sword replaced with salami. It’ll take some getting used to, being treated as underdogs for a home game against City, another indication of the distance we need to travel. But sure enough, that’s when we’re at our most dangerous. We could have had six on Monday and City could not have complained.

Hundreds of millions spent and the first words out of their mouths were “if you hate Man United”.

A lesson for those of us who don’t concentrate on their own team? Duly noted.

Carroll got off the mark and impressed without ever seeming fully fit. We are still wondering what it will take for a referee to blow his whistle for a foul on the big man. The Hague might get involved when it finally happens but nothing fazed him and Suarez held another Anfield masterclass. Add a wonderful debut from Flanagan and it could not have gone better. As News International prepare to pay off minor celebrities for eavesdropping on their dreary little secrets perhaps now is an appropriate moment to remind them that 22 years ago another newspaper slandered and lied, intruded and provoked, wounding the wounded further still with thoughtless, malicious glee.

Maybe they’ve forgotten? We haven’t.