Hailing our heroes but infuriated by petulant Ronaldo

AH, the dilemma of the successful: who to laugh at first? Arsenal’s “11 babies”, as memorably skewered by ‘Potty’ Paddy Evra the other day – much to French team-mate Silvestre’s fury?

Or the thwarted plutocrats of Chelsea, flushing the European Cup down Roman’s toilet along with all those billions he’s lost this year? Or Manchester City, arriving at Old Trafford on a sea of hype and petrodollars, aiming for European ports, only to be thoroughly sunk by our Iberophone men o’war?

And who to lionise most? Park, the import I once nominated here as Buy Of The Season to widespread derision, who has now brilliantly inspired us through two successive European semis? Tevez, who managed to be incisive, exciting and utterly professional despite being in the midst of a huge public rumpus with the club? Or the swoonsome Berbatov, of whom my esteemed colleague Aggers wrote thus on RedIssue’s website, after witnessing his incredible assist for the second goal: “he could pluck a passing sparrow out of the sky with either foot, and place it gently on the ground, fast asleep.”