Clownish City deserve knighthood

ANOTHER day, another Berbatov icepick to the head of the opposition. Suddenly the ‘Whither Berbatov?’ think-pieces are thin on the media ground. Harrumph.

A week of celebration for Reds, then, as we continue to revel in the Kaka cock-up and the public stocks session being undergone by MCFC chief exec Garry Cooke. Whodathunk that untold billions buys you only public opprobrium? Ah, City: your services to clownery deserve a collective knighthood.

At this point, I sense many a reader over there muttering “here we go, yet another venting over City: this isn’t Manchester y’know.”

Understood: though I have to tell you that we have talked of little else for the past three weeks or so. This is a reflection of two key facts on the ground: City have rarely been as hilarious since their Alan Ball days, and United haven’t given us that much to talk, or be excited, about since returning from Tokyo. Nature abhors a vacuum — and Man City too, it transpires.

All that said, I found myself mildly stirred by last week’s various cup exploits and the sight of several squaddies busting a gut for the cause on their rare opportunity to shine. This feel-good glow didn’t exude from all of them, sadly: I can reveal that one hitherto very promising squaddie may well have kibboshed his OT future after storming off home in a huff after discovering he wasn’t in the team on Saturday. His second such offence, too: I would be amazed if he gets the chance to make it a hat-trick. Still, all smiles elsewhere, and I surely don’t need to labour my Berbatov point once again this week, do I?

Eyebrows were raised, however, at Fergie singling out Tevez for praise as he called him “a tiger”, which would suggest at first glance that he’s been forgiven for his outburst the other week. Of course one could be cynical and point out that tigers are also an endangered species, liable to be executed unexpectedly by ageing red-nosed British hunters, but let’s look on the bright side. Only two weeks ago, after all, I thought he was definitely on his way to Inter Milan, when one of our lads spotted him on the shuttle to Heathrow with a croney. Said croney asked the stewardess “which terminal does the connecting flight to Milan go from?” and thus we all feared the worst.

Officially, however, the explanation was provided to us that Tevez got off in London to go shopping, whilst the adviser went on to help negotiate the Kaka deal with Camp Joorbachian. One must take them at their word, I suppose. But still: I wouldn’t buy your kid a Tevez-numbered kit in the summer nonetheless.

Assuming we didn’t come a-cropper at lowly Albion last night, and with the usually compliant Everton due on Monday, there would appear to be every prospect that we will be approaching the looming Inter Milan crunch as league leaders, not least as LFC continue to give every impression that their title challenge is as fundamentally flimsy as their boardroom. With one cup final reached, and the route to the other opening up promisingly after a decent 5th round draw, you can see why the players are casting aside their normal superstitions to talk openly of trebles and quadruples.

It seems extraordinary to be talking in such terms whilst still in January yet not even Fergie appears to be pouring cold water on it. Is this yet another ploy from the mindgames masterbook? As he always says every August, the big challenge is to find the way to get players to hit higher and higher bars, so indeed why not, in effect, say to them: “yes, it’s on — and I want them all, or else you’ve failed!”

It goes against every ‘take each game as it comes’ conventional precedent, but that’d be Fergie at his best: you tear up the book and take your own map. He boldly repeated this week his belief — one that I share — that this overall squad is the best he’s had in time at Old Trafford and probably unmatched in United history. A squad for whom only a clean sweep would be fitting, then? Heady targets for heady times: or Hubris preparing the way for its old partner...