Ronald-who? Cantonesque Berbatov is the new demi-god at Old Trafford

WRITING this yesterday afternoon, I – like everyone else on the planet – am twiddling my thumbs, waiting for the first exit polls to come in from the States.

By the time you read this, we will all either be marvelling at a historic watershed for post-Reconstruction America, or chort-ling as the inner cities burn in response to some kind of suspicious McCain stunner. Whatever: it’s win-win for us jaded Eurotrash.

Quite a week for black heroics, all told, what with Obama and Lewis Hamilton all over our front pages; sadly our own representative in these illustrious stakes, our beloved Rio, couldn’t quite live up to the competition on Saturday as he blunderingly gave away the penalty that put Hull alarmingly back in contention.