Conquering of Romans the real reason for Bertie’s exit
By the way, I did note that, like Bertie, Alex Ferguson also has a ’Biffo’ as a sidekick with a desire to become the boss, except that Mickey Phelan is a BIF from Ostlethwaite rather than Offaly. And always had rather less realistic prospects of power than Mr Cowen.
Anyway, my theory to explain Bertie’s sudden resignation last week is that, like every other United fan in the world, he watched the match unfold extraordinarily in Roma on Tuesday night and suddenly realised: “Would you look at that? With this luck, we’re clearly off to Moscow for the final.”
Suddenly the urgent need to take a full week’s jollies in order to enjoy the trip properly becomes paramount: and, like many did before him in 1999, the answer is to sack the job next morning and spend the redundancy money out on the week-long final lash with the lads.
Actually, after what happened at Middlesbrough on Sunday, – and thereafter Moscow via Barca – suddenly doesn’t seem quite such an assured and assumed route.
Reds who were planning to flog off their briefs for what was looking like a dead rubber have been taken with a fit of the heebie-jeebies and are now hot-footing it nervously down to Old Trafford this afternoon after all. Not because Rio Ferdinand may be missing,! but because of Vidic’s absence.
We have been here before, of course. Is this going to be the second spring in a row ruined by our reliance on the wonderful Nemanja?
Last year we rushed him back way too early to face Milan in the ill-fated Euro-semis; and after the farcical display of the Vidic-free Rio-led defence at Boro, you can bet the treatment room will be working flat-out on him. Not for tonight, which ought still to be comfortably negotiable, but perhaps for Sunday’s clash against the Gunners, and above all for the trip to the Bridge.
Incidentally, Rio and his agent are at this very moment in new contract talks with United, despite it seeming like only five minutes since the abysmally-handled previous round.
Fergie tells us they’ve been ongoing for months and that he expects a resolution “very shortly”. Mmm.
We’ll see. Vidic, you may recall, finally got a new deal last year after rightly arguing he should get a boost in light of Rio’s six-figure weekly “right touch”.
So I daresay the hard-pressed credit-crunched Gimps can expect a new request from him within hours of Rio signing a new hike. Whilst all these benchmarks are being set and reset, we have ‘Potty’ Paddy Evra and Wes Brown in various stages of salary-rebellion too, who must be readjusting their demands by the day (despite the latter being in appalling form for much of the season: go figure!)
Meanwhile the News Of The World, for the third time in seven weeks, has gone big on Ronaldo’s contractual situation, insisting that Real and Barca will come a-swooping via new FIFA buy-out regulations if United don’t crack on and offer him 140k a week pronto.
Old Trafford, baffled, continues to deny there are even talks planned. Jorge Mendes, Ronaldo’s wretched agent and, in many eyes, the presumed source of all this NOTW guff, must be rubbing his hands in glee.
What delightful timing from all concerned, though, at this most delicate juncture of the season, when all focus should be on the pitch. Still, at least we know why ticket prices are going through the roof for 2008/09, with some facing 33% increases.
And it makes it all better, really it does, to know it’s all soooo worth it. Ahem.
Then again, win the European Cup, and plenty will say it IS all worth it, even as they stagger down to the bank to plead for yet another overdraft extension to fund a K-Stand ticket.
“It’s only a game”? If only. When will we wake up?
* Richard Kurt’s classic ‘Red Army Years’ is now re-issued, only via redissuebooks@hotmail.co.uk
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