‘Fergie Fury’ tales just don’t ring true

THE Glasgow Empire was legendary for its cutting treatment of entertainment that didn’t please. When the Mike and Bernie Winters twins took their comedy act into the scotch-fuelled lions’ den, Mike went on alone first for 10 tumble-weeded minutes before cueing up Bernie for his entrance.

As the sweating latter cockney stepped tremulously onto the stage, a Govanite accent rang out from the stalls: “Ach, nooo: there’s TWO of ‘em.”

Fellow Govanite Fergie, not to mention the rest of us, could’ve sympathised on Saturday as we watched Anton and Rio in that staggering second half, the former scoring whilst the latter — along with Vidic, admittedly — had a bit of a nightmare. Wasn’t too funny either; just like the Winters, then.