If Liverpool win the league I will have to move to Peru

AS Chelsea made up over a third of the England team and provided the man-of-the-match last Saturday I suppose I should make some reference to the game.

The first thing that struck me was how JT seemed back to his usual self. You may recall I mentioned that he was unusually quiet and almost withdrawn during our game against Villa.

But against Israel he was back shouting directions, organising the defence, directing the midfield and generally fulfilling his role of captain.

I was naive enough to think that with Lampard injured he would be out of the firing line of the usual numbskulls. I should have known better. Apparently according to these MENSA candidates, England winning 3-0 “proved” that the team don’t need him, and, in fact play better without him.

They continue that Gerrard was “unshackled” with Lamps out. Of course he was! Is that why Gerrard was anonymous then? If we continue with this genius thinking, Liverpool beating Derby proves the same of Gerrard does it not? But should I be surprised by this complete twaddle? The traditional England support has been decimated by the FA who want families, happy clappy, jester-hat wearing, face-painted morons who didn’t even know football existed pre 1996.

The “nouveaux” England fan thinks that the Sheffield Wednesday band is greata and see nothing wrong in singing “Ring of Fire” at an international. They think it’s OK for wives to come to a game and read fashion magazines through the match.

What makes them even more loathsome is that their knowledge of football borders on the non-existent because they are led by the nose by the tabloids.

On the subject of football journalists, you would have thought that our Director of Communications would understand how this breed works.

Simon Greenberg used to write for the Evening Standard about the beautiful game yet we seem to get our press management wrong again and again and frustratingly again.

The whole Ballack/Shevchenko saga has made the club look as if they are trying to cover up something dodgy whether they are or not.

So they are injured? Fine — wheel them out in front of the cameras and let them tell us and the press how they are feeling, what the injury is, how long they think it will take to heal, a couple of pictures with each of them with the physios or with a bandage or something. The papers lap that up.

But there is literally no mention of anything which led to the inevitable headlines when Ballack was left out of the Champions League squad.

Also inevitably the German Press picked up on the fact that the German national team expect him back pretty soon.

Then there is our “injured” Ukrainian who has played in the last two internationals yet can’t make the bench in a team which is having difficulty scoring. Explain that one to us please.

This weekend we face a high flying Blackburn with what looks like a makeshift team and a few of those playing will do so thanks to painkilling injections.

We will also have Mourinho’s pet excuse about the impact of international breaks. I am worried.

I didn’t think that I could ever advocate that Mourinho could learn anything from Steve McClaren — but McClaren is not oblivious to the talents of Joe Cole, whereas José still is not convinced that he should be one of the first names on the team sheet.

Perhaps I am confusing mazy runs, clever passes and bursts into the opposition penalty box for football of real substance?

Up to now, I can only say that whatever I think, José has kept winning so whether we agreed or not, the Portugeezer could not really be questioned.

We have only lost one and drawn one but the quality of football and the lack of goals (and goal scoring opportunities) has made me question the Special One’s choices. Blasphemy! All in all I can deal with most things, but I would seriously have to consider relocating to a remote tribe in darkest Peru if Liverpool win the Premiership. So Chelsea, José, Ballack, Shevchenko . . . pull your fingers out and ensure this nightmare never happens. For the good of football.

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