Tommy Martin: Becoming temporary experts once every four years

Sure, the competitors have dedicated their lives to fulfilling their dreams but you and me learning the rules of 32 different sports in the space of a fortnight is the real gold medal achievement.

BIG NAMES: Ireland's Paul O'Donovan and Fintan McCarthy during Olympics prep. Pic: James Crombie, Inpho

AM I excited about the Olympics? Why it’s enough to make me reverse pike into a straight twist from a ten-metre platform! Be careful though — get your spindles and your flairs mixed up and you could fall off your pommel horse. Worse still would be to suffer a gam-jeom.

And mustn’t go for ippon when waza-ari will do.