Love will tear us apart again

Say this much for Roberto Mancini: he’s definitely not one to turn a drama into a crisis.

Indeed, his efforts yesterday to pour cold water on the tabloid fire ignited by Thursday’s training ground clash with Mario Balotelli virtually recast the pair as John and Mary in Fr Ted — the perpetually warring husband and wife who, whenever Ted happened to show up, would suddenly transform themselves into the most loved-up couple on earth.

Alternatively, you might like to think of Mancini’s studied understatement as being akin to that recurring gag in spoof disaster movies: the one where the phlegmatic old beat cop calmly advises rubber-neckers to “move along now, there’s nothing more to see here”, even as earthquakes, aliens and dinosaurs continue to tear up the cityscape behind his back.