Uefa perfect the art of looking busy

It was George Costanza’s top tip for giving the impression that you were hard at work when the opposite might well be the case: never walk down a hall without carrying a document in your hands.

Michel Platini’s first mistake was not heeding the great man.

The Uefa boss’s scheme of placing officials behind either goal was always doomed to derision while he denied them the refereeing equivalent of an A4 sheet or two — our new watchdogs can’t whistle, signal or wave a flag. Instead, he gave them a wand but no ability to cast a spell in the referee’s direction — rather, they must whisper discretely in his ear.