The Roonation of all mankind

SO what are we to make of the upholding of that two-match ban on W***e R****y then? Right, wrong or, as leading human rights activist Rio Ferdinand would have it, the workings of a lynch mob?

When in doubt on matters philosophical, I always turn to Brian’s mum. “He’s not the Messiah,” she tells me exclusively, “he’s a very naughty boy.”

Spot on, Brian’s mum. Wayne Rooney might not be a Pele-in-waiting, as some excitable types suggested a couple of years back, but neither is he the spawn of the devil.