How to give your pooches presidential treatment at home 

Champ and Major have moved into the White House. First dogs or not, all four-legged family members thrive when nurtured

Territory takes up a lot of room in a dog’s wild psyche. Some dogs probably shouldn’t be elevated to the royal nest that is your bed. Picture: iStock

We adore our pooches. It’s become ridiculous — sycophantic, crawly. The only way I could be more accommodating to my variously disturbed JRTs would be to move even further towards the edge of the hairy Super King.

I’m gripping the mattress ticking with my back molars by 3am. Mr Measle, my husband’s tense and permanently bristling alleged “pet” loathes my touch. Emotionally a-quiver at a full “10”, he is noted for eating whole bananas, travels with this own suckle rag (also in the bed) and is not beyond demonstrating his twisted feelings by fastening on my calf if I slide too close to his besotted da-da.