Reflecting on the wisdom of the cleaning gurus

Love it or loathe it, housework has to be done and having followed one guru’s advice only to find herself needing what she had thrown away, Carol O’Callaghan reflects on the wisdom of cleaning gurus.

Doesn’t having the house and car thoroughly clean at the same time make you feel you’re really on top of life?

I have to say I enjoy the whole process, especially the satisfaction of a fresh scented, shining house. Books on the subject are irresistible. In fact, anything with top 10 tips does it for me, and if there are tick boxes, it heralds the mustering of mop and bucket.

So when an email landed in my inbox last month from the Good Housekeeping Institute, with a manifesto on maintaining a clean house, it could not have arrived at a better time.

I was suffering from a touch of spring cleaning withdrawal, having had to postpone my annual domestic blitz due to on-going winter weather, (which prevented routine window opening in mid-March), to let fresh spring air circulate and blow away cobwebs of the literal and figurative type.

Plus, I was almost convinced this venerable institution, which is now nearing 100 years old, would restore my belief in housekeeping gurus.

You see, I experienced a crisis of faith when the goddess of cleanliness Marie Kondo’s book The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up convinced me I ought to expel my bag of old charger cables which hadn’t been touched for over a year — and free up cupboard space in the process.

This hardcore clearing out sounded like a good idea — had I not regretted it twice in the following month. Firstly, when I went to charge my camping lamp in anticipation of a power outage, and later a vain search for the camera battery charger.

I then changed allegiance to Cindy Harris who maintained in her book Keeping House that every six months to one year we ought to be pulling out our cookers and fridges to vacuum and mop behind. Really?

But she also says there’s nothing quite as satisfying as a spick and span and ordered house, and I agree. Realistically, for day to day living, a standard that’s good enough for now really is sufficient for most of us.

So — will the ladies (and one bloke, apparently) at the Good Housekeeping Institute take the pressure off with their approach which divides chores into daily, weekly, monthly, six monthly and annual tasks? Judge for yourself: https://www.goodhousekeeping.co.uk/institute/household-advice/cleaning-tips/how-often-you-should-clean-everything

Daily, you must carry out eight — yes eight — tasks. Clean the shower down, clean the toilet make the beds; sweep the floor; wipe the hob; wash up; wash down kitchen surfaces and put clothes in the laundry basket.

By now your children are late for school and you haven’t even started to earn a crust, let alone shop for one, or eat one. Changing bed linens and towels and doing the laundry are weekly events — that’s the weekend gone. And instructions include cleaning mirrors and toothbrush mugs, vacuuming, mopping and doing a more intensive version of the daily bathroom routine.

And, I almost forgot — wait for it — wash the things which wash other things, like the washing machine, vacuum cleaner and dish washer...What?

After this you might have the cleanest house in the neighbourhood but, no social life, which on the upside gives you more time to concentrate on monthly tasks, including window washing and vacuuming the curtains.

I’m already eight months behind — on the windows and six years on the curtain vacuuming. will I ever catch up, and, really — do I care?

Annually, wipe light bulbs (are you kidding me?), and clean out the gutters. Sorry, gutters are outdoor work which I’m filing under DIY or garden stuff. It does have to be said, though, that housekeeping used to be a career.

There are ladies of a particular generation who had an encyclopaedic knowledge of how to repair and make do and mend, and who cleaned everything in sight.

But that was before the onslaught of labour-saving appliances, possibly a contradiction in terms, as the Good Housekeeping Institute has us cleaning those too.

But as I contemplate some deep cleaning this weekend, I’m wondering when did domestic husbandry become an extreme sport? Or is it that the gurus of housekeeping have a bit too much time on their hands?

Think I’ll down the mop and bucket, make a cup of tea and watch a few episodes of Billions while I figure it out.

House keeping gurus tell us to change our bed linens weekly and vacuum mattresses regularly so the bed bugs don’t bite.

Herald a change for spring and get some new linens like the Watercolour stripe bed set and Bug bed set (€55.50 each) and Supersoft throws (€29.50). From M&S.

A clean, tidy house doesn’t mean minimal. You can have your precious books and ornaments around you in orderly and dust-free fashion in a glass-fronted cabinet (Henmes cabinet €245 at Ikea).

After a spring clean, play house by channelling your inner stylist and get creative with open shelving, mixing different heights and textures in objects.

Not everyone wants pristine order, feeling more relaxed with a few wrinkles in linens and a cluster of objects on a side table. The fashion for layering plays to this as does this bedroom scene from Penneys (Aztec throw €5, pillows from €8, Sun mirror €6).

Clean your kitchen surfaces daily, according to the gurus, and do a kitchen blitz on a weekly basis. Opening a bottle of wine instead is optional.