My prize is guaranteed — but not my number

I HAVE just received an ‘Important Notification’ stating that I am to receive one of 10 listed gifts ranging from a €10,000 cash payout to a laptop computer worth €2,500.

Wow! This is my lucky day. And... GUARANTEED! That’s what it says...“You are guaranteed to receive one of these.”

Well, my mammy always told me to read the small print, so that’s what I do. The first thing I must do is ring a given number in order to collect my prize. The only snag is that calls cost €1.90 a minute and the call lasts six minutes, 10 seconds (surely a small sacrifice for such a big, big prize).

Well, here goes. A male voice, pre-recorded, rattles off long gift code numbers which, I now notice, are at the top of the page.

Six minutes and 10 seconds later, I’m still listening and my lucky number didn’t get a mention. Sadly, I put the phone down €11.71 none the wiser. Maybe if I wait patiently, I’ll get another letter with another gift code number and this time I’ll hit the jackpot. Maybe.

JM Molloy,

Carrowbaun,

Ballyfarnon,

Co Roscommon.