Sarah O'Neill: Nothing could fully prepare you for motherhood, but we must try better

We must support women better and give the transition to motherhood the recognition it deserves. We cannot expect women to just get on with things on their own, writes Sarah O'Neill

In terms of the physical and emotional changes a new mother undergoes, as well as the shift in her social position and identity, pregnancy and birthing a baby is as big a change as adolescence for a woman.

New mothers and their babies cannot be last on the list when it comes to prioritising healthcare. Recent reports that women and children living in certain postcodes are being deprioritised for vital visits due to public health nurse shortages are extremely concerning.

I had my first baby just over two years ago, and my second last year. It’s true what they say – nothing fully prepares you, but we should prepare and support women better than we are currently.

In terms of the physical and emotional changes she undergoes, as well as the shift in her social position and identity, pregnancy and birthing a baby is as big a change as adolescence for a woman. And yet, the word for it, “matrescence”, pronounced “mah-tress-ince”, is not well known or understood.

Public health nurse visits, whereby a local nurse calls to your home in the days after giving birth, can be a lifeline for many women during this time. They certainly were for me.

Sarah O'Neill: 'Growing and birthing a baby is transformative.'

A nurse will examine your baby, checking for things like hip dysplasia and appropriate weight gain. These checks are a huge source of reassurance for new mothers, giving confirmation that their new babies are reaching their developmental milestones, and if they’re not, ensuring referral to the appropriate services.

I found my visits were also a really valuable opportunity to ask for some general advice, from safe sleep, to whether a rash was normal or something to worry about. As a new mother, this kind of informal but informed support is really important.

Our public health nurses also play a crucial role in identifying women who are struggling and directing them towards the help they need. Without these visits, a woman receives one 15-minute consultation with her GP at six weeks postpartum as the sum total of the support she receives for herself after having a baby.

That is not enough to catch and support the many women who, understandably, struggle with the numerous changes motherhood brings. We must support women better and give the transition to motherhood the recognition it deserves. We cannot expect women to just get on with things on their own.

Growing and birthing a baby is transformative. Recent research has shown the extent of the changes a woman’s brain undergoes during pregnancy, with new parenthood likely to increase her ability to manage complex demands, process social and emotional cues and become more efficient, braver and more creative. And yet we diminish new mothers’ experience with ‘mum brain’ tropes.

After becoming a mother, a woman is never an individual again. 

Foetal cells cross over the placenta during pregnancy and remain in a woman’s body for decades after birth, perhaps forever, in a process called ‘microchimerism’. 

Like many features distinct to the female body, we have not directed our investigative resources to the causes and implications of this phenomenon. We must fund more research into such matters and others exclusive to the female body.

Having a baby is also a significant political change for a woman. To quote Susan Maushart, author of The Mask of Motherhood, “the feminist agenda has succeeded up to a point and that point is motherhood”. We have made significant progress in providing women the same opportunities as men, up until they become mothers, the point at which the differences between men and women are evidently the most pronounced.

Inequalities

Many women find themselves at this juncture noticing more than ever how their unique needs are not catered for by the services on offer. In that way, motherhood brings the inequalities that still exist between men and women in our society into sharp relief. 

This redirection of public health nurses is just the latest in a series of actions by decisionmakers that fail to recognise women’s distinct needs.

The extension of paternity leave and commitment to reduce childcare fees are very welcome, as are the improvements made under the Women’s Health Action Plan. However, they are not enough.

We have a long way to go in creating a society that truly supports and recognises the experience of motherhood. Until we have things like 24-hour, consistent breastfeeding support, well-maintained, unisex public changing facilities, postpartum rehabilitation for women, and better mental health support, we cannot say we have truly delivered healthcare services on an equal basis to both men and women.

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There are mothers across the country with very little support, struggling alone, in silence, lest anyone think they are a bad mother or unable to cope. When really, they are being let down at a pivotal point in their lives.

The HSE is prioritising ‘essential services’ due to difficulties recruiting and retaining nurses. There is nothing more ‘essential’ than bringing new life into this world. We can and must do better for new mothers.

• Sarah O'Neill is a former Government adviser and a mother of two. She runs an Instagram page at @matrescence_moments