Why are our daughters not safe to walk the streets alone?

The killing of Ashling Murphy and the spate of attacks on women reported since then have brought back some disturbing memories for Susan O'Shea who questions why she has to tell her teenage daughter to watch her back when she goes outside

People light candles and lay flowers at the candlelight vigil for Ashling Murphy outside the Sexual Violence Centre at Camden Place, Cork. Picture Dan Linehan

My daughter is 15. We live in Fermoy. And last night we were forced to have ‘that conversation’. The one where we told her we no longer think it is safe for her to walk alone, day or night. 

The fact that we had to tell our beautiful 15-year-old that she needs to constantly look over her shoulder, be dropped and collected, that there are men and boys out there who will hurt her if they get the chance makes me so angry. Like thousands of other parents across the country who had had to say the same thing to their daughters.

It’s been a month since the killing of Ashling Murphy which rocked the nation and destroyed a family’s lives. A ‘watershed’ moment saw hundreds of thousands hold vigils across the country, and pledges to make this country safer for all women. 

It’s been a month since the killing of Ashling Murphy, a ‘watershed’ moment that saw hundreds of thousands hold vigils across the country, and pledges to make this country safer for all women. Photo: RIP.ie

But in the four weeks since we’ve had what appears to be a spate of random attacks on women and young girls in different parts of the country — Sligo, Cork City, Kilkenny, Dublin city centre, and most recently Fermoy. And these are just the attacks that are reported, the ones highlighted by the media.

The statistics tell you that every assault on a woman that is reported to the guards, and ends up in the courts, is just the tip of the iceberg. The Sexual Violence Centre Cork 2020 annual report found only one third of survivors of rape or sexual assault — 33.2% — reported the attack to An Garda Síochána, while some 66.8% of those contacting the centre did not. 

Attacks on women go unreported for a myriad of reasons — because the woman feels ashamed, thinks she won’t be believed, or taken seriously, doesn’t want to face an adversarial judicial system which often seems to favour the perpetrator. I know this from personal experience. 

As a student in Cork in the 1990s I was assaulted by a random stranger — twice. On the first occasion he jumped in front of me on the South Mall and began masturbating. My reaction? To hell with this. And I went for him. I was 21, fit, feisty, I wasn’t going to take the shit. 

So I ran after him but as I got close I realised he was twice my size. What was I going to do, rugby tackle him to the ground? Instead, I abandoned the chase and went to my part-time bar job where I told my colleagues what happened. 

To my shame, I made light of it, until my female boss pulled me aside and said this is serious, you must report it, if you don’t he will continue to do it. 

After the shift ended she dropped me at the doors of Anglesea St Garda Station and made me go in. To this day I still remember feeling foolish saying ‘a guy jumped out and masturbated in front of me’. They recorded the details and that was that. 

Except it wasn’t. Two weeks later it happened again, same guy, same place, same repulsive action. But this time I froze, I thought this guy is following me, watching me. There was no bravado running after him this time. I was distraught as I walked to work. 

And you know they say there’s never a guard around when you need one. Well, luck was on my side that night as a uniformed guard was standing by the GPO. I told him what happened and he radioed in for an unmarked squad car to pick us up.

We drove around the block several times and again I started to feel foolish, I was making a big deal of nothing, until we spotted him, standing by a phone box on the South Mall… he was watching for girls on the other side of the road that he could sprint across and do the same thing to. The guards picked him up, and the uniformed guard walked me to work. 

That night I wasn’t in the mood to be jovial and serve pints, I was scared, completely unnerved. The next day I returned to Anglesea St Garda Station to make a full report. I was told that in the Garda interview the man had admitted carrying out at least a dozen similar attacks. He was using the light from the phone box to watch for women coming and going from evening classes in the School of Commerce. 

However, my complaint was the only one on record. The guards said it is a pity more women didn’t report it, then they would have had a stronger case.

Months later, the case came to court. The defendant was in his 40s, married with kids, had served two tours overseas with the Defence Forces, was blaming it on PTSD. He offered me compensation. I declined, I told the judge I would rather he got some type of treatment. 

I don’t know if he ever did. I do know he did not receive a custodial sentence. I thought of all of this the other night as I told my daughter how she needs to be super careful at all times when outside. 

She is fitter and feistier than I ever was but we told her don’t try and fight back, it may be brave, but your better chance is if possible to try and run, and scream for help. Recent events show us that there are brave passers-by who will come to a woman’s aid, even if it means getting hurt themselves.

I don’t have any solutions to offer in how we can start to turn the tide on what is rightly being called ‘an epidemic of violence against women’. All I know is that the streets were not safe in the 1990s and are unsafe now.

So clearly whatever we are doing is not working. When my daughter was born, I remember thinking life is easier now for girls. We are a more equal society. And we have had a lot of positive societal change since then, particularly the repeal of the Eighth Amendment but so much more needs to be done.

I personally believe that more co-ed schools, where the relationships between boys and girls are normalised, is a start. A more progressive approach to sex education with a strong emphasis on consent, from a very early age. 

I am talking primary school here, not secondary school. By then it’s too late. At the same time I am warning my daughter to watch her back, I am reminding my son that 'no' always means 'no', it never means maybe. Respect, respect, respect. 

Unfortunately, not every parent in the country is having this conversation with their child. 

Before the pandemic, at the sidelines of a match, where I was acting as volunteer mentor, I was told by a 10-year-old that "my dad says you’re nothing but a dirty whore". He was angry because I had reprimanded him for damaging some of the club’s equipment. 

That comment has continued to bother me every day since it was uttered, even more than what happened in the 1990s. I’m not sure the child in question knew exactly what a whore was, but he knew it was an insult, it was something he had heard his own father say, and he clearly comes from a house where insulting women is okay. 

Until we change that, we will have to continue to tell our daughters to watch their backs.

— If you are affected by any of the issues raised in this article, please click here for a list of support services.